Actually nine, there is no new person in my life, but as time goes on, I wonder if WAW's attitude about me "finding" someone would change. I am almost sure that her involvement with OM is bound to fizzle; she's in a MLC and I got her "best" years. Will she always want me to "move on" or will she become like many here think, curious if I do?
Human nature Pickle.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Now I have seen a lot of advice here on "exposing" EA/PA and understand the reasons to bite one's tongue. But it's hard.
I guess I screwed up right after the bomb. I was so devastated and emotionally fvcked up that I couldn't keep my mouth shut about it to certain confidants. However during the passage of time and the barrage of questions from family and friends like: "What's going on?"... "Why haven't you considered MC or Retrouovaille?" etc. etc., I had to "explain" by saying things like: "It's complicated"..."There's somebody else." Our entire community was just as surprised as I was that W wanted a D.
My DB'ing was doomed from the very start, because by bomb day her mind was already made up.
In my emotional state back then, I obviously cannot rule out a tinge of vindictiveness, in telling someone why I cannot save my M, after all, I'd been betrayed at the very deepest level. So I'm not making excuses for being human, but I know that I, we, are now the subject of gossip and I wonder how this will affect W's MLC in the future.
Has any veteran had to deal with a past exposed EA/PA to friends/family/community and how did that work out for the WAS after the passage of time?
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
The things she said to you -- about finding out about past GFs -- is standard infidelity "script," and yes, it's to assuage her guilt and make herself feel better about what she was doing.
Starsky
Guess my sitch isn't so different after all.
(forgot to add "function checking" to that list of don'ts)
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Well had a minor setback today. sorta. But it was an education too. Allow me to explain.
Our D agreement has me buy W out of her half of the house. She gets half the equity, which I have to roll into new financing. The equity is determined by appraised value less what we owe. Naturally, my side wants a low appraisal and hers would want it high.
To give you an idea of the market on my street a short sale two does down purchased in 2007 for $265K and the owners walked away. It has been listed for over a year now at $140K and still not a sniff.
So when my home appraised for about $40K above what I was expecting, it kind of took me aback. I shared the info with W and unfortunately made the comment I thought it was high and was considering getting a second opinion. Mistake!
She puts two and two together and out spews the venom. I wont go into details. But the education I did get. It's been a few weeks since any "war of the roses" stuff, and I was unfortunately off my guard.
While swimming laps in the pool and praying/venting to God it ocurred to me, this is STILL not the W that I would ever want back, and I should be prepared for the very long haul and the possibility of a permanant S. And the sooner she gets the money, the sooner she will opt to move out on her own. The way I'm feelng right now, I can hardly wait. I think my kids will survive a S.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
I think that's a common realization. The WAS is *not* the person we M. Maybe that person will come back, maybe not. If not, then it's up to us LBS to decide if this new person is someone we want to be with.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
If not, then it's up to us LBS to decide if this new person is someone we want to be with.
Not just "No", but "Hell No!"
There must be eight billion people on the planet, and WAW would be sweet and pleasant with all of them. But only with me does she speak through clenched teeth.
I do not deserve it. It's not what I want in my life.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
