Mission 25. I Really Mean it this time>

[ninelives]

I have responded twice to this post 25 and both times I was interupted, once by a very good friend of mine whos boyfriend just ended it. The irony of it all.


I am finishing my basement this summer and dont think I ll be needing to buy any lumber. I have a nice neat supply of 2x4's stacked in the corner. I am not saying for one minute that I dont deserve most of them. It is humbling to read these. Its funny, I thought I was a decent husband however, I have seen myself some of my shortcomings in the past. I didnt dream that there were so many; approaching jerk status.

I do wish to address some of the statements. I didnt expect an instant fix about Church or feel great about it. Its something I have struggled with, I have tried to allow the spirit of God in me but have always come up short. I do KNOW i need something bigger than me. No disrespect was intended.


There is NO question my ego is bruised. Another short coming for sure. I am trying to get passed this as well. Stop signing the OM. Friday was an exercise in being in same room at the bar.
Trying to get passed that.
I will lose the scorecard. I want to start with a clean slate.

I am trying to let go of the anger by reading here and reading about forgiveness and by going to Church and praying. I am trying with babysteps.

She did hate her job and still does. I really tried to pump her up about her job. She is a nurses aid and feels unappreciated. I often tried to tell her that she has a lot of empathy for her patients and that she wasnt simply a sh1t cleaner as she often phrased it. One thing about my wife, she was often jealous of other people and their roles. She did not like teachers or gatherings because she felt "inferior" and she didnt have to. Again , I often tried to pump her up when she brought up those ideas. At other gatherings she would get cut off while telling a story because she has trouble getting her point across. I would listen to these stories and sometimes she would be telling them to me for the fourth or fifth time because people stopped listening. These were not just teacher parties. I felt sorry for her and loved her even more. She does have things to say but has low self esteem.

I have read both books, trouble is she has them both right now.
When we were "piecing" I asked her to read the section and she has never given them back. Says she doesnt know where they are right now.

Again , you are right about her Psych issues. I should have seen a therapist about that. I didnt have much faith in the profession. Growing up in a Greek family where my dad was in charge, ( and a hell of a cheater) left my mom for a waitress, etc.. I thought therapy was for the weak. I was wrong as wrong can be. My dad came back but I was so hurt with his cheating. It cost us everything, lost the restaurant, my mom was so hurt, had to move away from my friends. I guess that stuck with me.

There is no question I made just about every mistake in the DR books. I dont know how permanent the damage is. Impatience is something I have also struggled with at times.

I thank you 25 for your continued patience and insight. I always thought I was a pretty good person, but I see alot of flaws that need to be addressed. I am not taking offence to this critique as it is for the benefit of me and my family.


UPDATE:

Got youngest son back today. He was showing me his new soccer shoes and guards and new toys.

He was in the city with mother. They watched a movie. Iasked if he took any of his friends and he said there was no room. Then quickly changed the subject. ( i got it)

I was working around the house when he came outside and said,

" Dad , If i tell you something, will you get upset"?

M: NO honey, you know you can tell me anything, whats up.

S: OM was there with us and brought his 3 year old son.
( just said his name)

( Jolt went through me, son was hugging me at time and didnt see my face which is probably good, dont know what I looked like)

M: Thats ok buddy, was it a good movie?

S: Yeah, but OM had to leave with his son because he got scared.

M: Okay, buddy . Glad you liked the movie.

Then I had to say one of the hardest things I ever had to say to him.

M-" You know mom and dad love you very much and just want you to be happy. Im glad OM is nice to you and you dont have to feel wierd around him.

S: I do feel kinda wierd , especially since he was driving our van.

( another jolt- the van wife and I paid for over the years, just got a mental pic and it was hard to erase)

M: Dont worry about it buddy. Give me another squeeze.

He did and we talked about something else.

She is really progressing her relationship with him. Now she is introducing my son to his and are going on outings.

Wow, but I guess that is to be expected.

I did not call her or text her. Im pretty sure that I would not have done that so soon. I think its confusing my son and I think its not showing any respect to our relationship that we had.

But that is my cross to bear.

Not over yet, but I think its getting closer to being so.

9

My mother is the single most important person in my life. I admire the hell out of her and how she tried to raise us despite my dad's ways. My MOM is sooo bitter towards my W and doesnt even want me to talk to her at all. Ofcourse this is a conflict with the advice on this site. I understand where my Mom is coming from but ultimately, I have to do what is best for my family.