Can I close the door and leave it unlocked?

[islander]

When I got home tonight, for the first time I actually wished that I would not see my Ws car in the driveway.

Not that this has happened.

But, I have always wished that when I got home from work, when I turned the corner, I would see her car.

I think I am detached, or very close.

But, I may have taken it to far.

I have been thinking a lot lately about this:

What if my W just showed up and said she wanted to come home and work on our M. What would I do??

I think I would have a hard time with that right now. I am not sure that I want her anymore too much has happened, and she is ok. It is my turn to be ok.

I am even "thinking" about filing the D papers myself. Don't know if I would, or could, but it has crossed my mind

[jbnati]

It sounds like you are little more detached. It's natural to "explore" filing the D papers (and that's what it sounds like to me what you're doing) and just get the thing the heck over with, but you need to be absolutely sure that's what you really want to do. If you get to that point, you may want to give yourself a little cooling off period.

[islander]

I will definitely give it time. Even if I decide that is what I want to do, ut wik take me months to get the courage to do it.

[♪CS♪]

What if my W just showed up and said she wanted to come home and work on our M. What would I do??

I have thought about this too islander. Truth is, it IS a scary thought. As much as we are working to get them back, the thought of it ever actually happening can be daunting. Then what?

One thing I have also thought about though, think how scary if would be for HER. Think of what they would have to face.

I of course cannot mind read, but I am pretty sure, that IF my W ever reconsidered, she would be scared to death to come home. To look at me and ask forgiveness for what she has done.

That is why our changes have to be real AND consistent. We HAVE to SHOW them, that IF they ever reconsider, we have changed, we can forgive, and life with us would be better than without.

One of 25's quotes really sticks out with me. She has said "Keep the road home paved smooth." (I may have misquoted this, but you get the idea)

I can see just how important this is.

[islander]

I also heard this tonight on top of everything I was thinking (from tv, paraphrased):

W tells her husband who left her and returned:
When we got married I was always afraid that you were going to leave me. Then when you left, I thought about (something material). It was only when you returned that I realized what I had been feeling was relief.

How do we know what we are feeling until we think we get what we want. What we had is gone. We hope for something better, but for some of us, I don't think we realize what we are asking for, and what we will get.

Just a thought. Kind of echoed the way that I am feeling.

[GAL Man]

W moved into her flat on sat...

I haven't seen her now since wed last week, but this was my choice. I text her thur morning saying o was going to stay away until she has gone so she could have our bed back to try and get some sleep for the move, as she was not sleeping well. She text back saying thanks and then went on about work! She text me very early on sat morning asking what time I would be back as she still had loads to do, and then again a few hours later, which I didn't reply too. But when I got home she had taken nothing, so I don't know what she wad doing all day.

The kids told me she had a bed, sofa, tv unit and basic coffee table delivered to her flat on sat, bit that's about all she has.

So I have basically dropped the rope and gone completly dark so.ce thur morning, just have to see what happens now. She is portraying to her friends things are ok, but seeing the way she was last week (stress, no sleep, lots in her head, no organisation) I don't think that's the case, but it maybe........

Thoughts much appreciated, ad I don't think there is anything else I could possibly do now or differently.

[islander]

Just another thought:

Maybe I have finally detached and this is where I need to be. Not concerned about W. I know I love her, but I can't make her love me, and I am not going to try. I am going to live my life. It is up to her if she joins me.

I am moving forward with my life, and everything that it brings with it

[jbnati]

islander, sounds like a good approach and attitude. It's what you have to do, man. Work on / continue to work on GAL.

[islander]

I have got a lot to post, just about my W, my SD, and inlaws.

I am very concerned for my SD. She is acting out VERY VERY angry, agressive (physically) and I know she has got to be so stressed, probably more than I ever was. I have to go to my computer to write about this.

It is out of my hands now, I know. But it hurts me more than the loss of my family now.

[islander]

I don't know where to start. I am sure I will leave a lot out, but I will hit the highlights.

I got this info from FIL when we talked today.

Said that SD has to go to summer school, and I think if she doesn't do well, she won't go to 4th grade. She is VERY smart. She did good on her state test, except for reading comprehension (which she has ALWAYS done well in). Prior to Oct/Nov, SD read all the time and was always bringing home books and reading. Since then she has basically stopped reading, and her mom and dad are not making her read. My inlaws are to a point, but she acts out when she is told to do something.

Twice in the last week, once in my presence, SD got mad about nothing, and picked up an empty glass and acted as if she was going to hit her grandpa (FIL). I was present for the first incident. Apparently on the second incident, FIL believed she would have hit him with the glass if she wasn't stopped. She was always a loving, content, happy child...now this, and her mom doesn't even care. literally doesen't care.

My W went to pick up her D from her parents house yesterday, and her D told her "No, she did not want to go with her, she wanted to stay here, and that she had already spent time with her mom in the morning". I guess my W was crying about this, but she doesn't even see what the cause is. She will cry, but do nothing about the reason behind it.

SD told me about 2 weeks ago when I picked her up if we were going to my house or home, meaning her grandparents house. My W only spends about 2 days a week with her D now, then this weekend when she is supposed to have her, she is going out of town for the weekend and giving her D to somebody to watch. SHE DOESNT GET THIS!!!

Then there is all of the lying that SD is doing now. Lied about her play to her entire family, and then there were some other minor things. But she just turned 9, and is a differnt person, like her mom, bc of her mom.

She has even made comments that she was not going to let her parents see her D as much, but usually when she is mad. MIL is very worried about this.

MIL sent W a lengthy email yesterday in reference to all of this. Basically told her she wasn't even acting as a Step Mother to her D, let alone a mother. How the choices she has made this year have let her down. That they used to be so proud of her, but not now. ETC..ETC...but you get the gist.

And the email had nothing to do with me. I wasn't mentioned in it, but it is in response to her D, how she is suffering, and her mom doesn't even care. My SD has no home. She is litterally shuffled from one house to the next. The closest thing she has to stability is staying at my inlaws. And she really doesn't know where she will be from one day to the next.

Do you see why this hurts me so much? And there is nothing I can do about it. I am on the sidelines litterally watching my SD self destruct at 9 years old...

OH...and to top it off. She asked my inlaws for a 5 Hour Energy drink the other day, said she needed energy. And she really wanted one..What is going to happen when she is exposed to drugs. Is she going to say no, or do something she thinks will make her feel better.

I don't know if I have ever mentioned this bf, but my W and I are both cops. We see dysfunctional families all of the time. We see what happens to kids when they are hurting. We used to talk about this all of the time. How can she be so blind to her own D. It makes me literally sick.

I can not be a part of this madness anymore. I need to move on. I hope that my W sees the light and joins me. But I don't expect it anymore. And I don't think she will...she is too far gone. If she can abandon her own D, what hope do I have. If she ever does come around, I fear (not really fear anymore, just a realization) I will have already moved on.

Do you see why i feel the way i do now?