I need some advice. I have read "don't pack their things" and also "redecorate."
When H left he took all of his clothes that he wears. He left some suits and some clothes that no longer fit. I cleaned out his closet and stored everthing in the basement.
I also updated the paint and furniture on the back porch. I spend a lot of time out there and felt it needed a boost.
I would like to repaint my(our) bedroom to update it and just to help "clean" the energy in the room.
I packed up all that H left behind and put it in the basement and I am currently painting the kitchen and plan to do the whole house. I think your should do what you feel is right for you and try not to guess what H would think about it. If you really want to know, ask him, otherwise he left, you can update however you want.
Blessings,
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Do what you feel like ... you are free now, and don't have to check with him about anything.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
what are your interactions like now? Just all business/kid stuff? Are you doing any 180's? Did he have any "complaints" to justify leaving or is he simply saying that he and OW are "meant to be" blah blah blah?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
We talk casually about things. H has been going through a promotion process and he has sent me texts to let me know how each phase went. We have talked about how the tests went. He called me a week or so ago and we talked for 30 to 35 mins about general things going on in his life. Our face to face contacts are always concerning the kids. He never comes to the house unless it has to do with the kids.
His complaints were that we had grown apart, are different people than when we married, dreams not shared, etc. - he sent me an email the day before he left with these comments. He also said that his feelings were confusion, worry and some anger. After he left the complaints became that I was controlling, that he could not express himself, etc. He has said that he had conversation with OW that made him feel that she "knew where he was coming from." and that the feelings he had for her had not gone away.
I don't know if I have done any 180's except for totally letting go after his confession of feelings for OW. I only start conversations that involve the kids - I was trying to just get him to talk to me - not R talks just talking. He will usually continue the conversation into other topics - just casual conversation. I am giving him space.
I am struggling now with how to act around him. I have told him that I am not trying to get him to come home, that I am focusing on getting through school.
I am confused as to how I should act. Should I act as if? If I act as if my marriage is good and wonderful doesn't that bascially make the dark/dim null and void?
I don't know if that's what "acting as if" means...to me, acting as if sometimes means that you are accepting his choice and acting as if you are resigned to it but looking forward to YOUR new future and being upbeat and moving on, and sure, you wish things between you had worked out but mainly b/c it's HIS loss, not so much yours...
Maybe a moderator can chime in. I do know acting as if includes a good attitude, even if you are "ACTING" the whole time, as in Oscar worthy. Make sense? I may go look it up again.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
