I have not posted for a while. I have been doing a lot of work on me. I ran into OW husband and our discussion solidified some things for me. Now I am trying to figure out what this means.

I felt when the "confessions" from my H and the OW happened a few weeks ago that there was something underlying all of this coming out when it did. The OW told her H about my H approaching her in 08 about a week after I told my H that OW knew we were separated (see my initial posting for more details but OW is my ex-best friend).

During my discussion with OW H today - he told me that OW told him that I said he would leave when he found out (I have had no discussion with OW concerning her telling her H anything). OW H is unaware that my H had approached OW at anytime after 08 - I did not think he knew that my H had recently approached OW again - right before her confession to her H.

I think that my H and OW thought that by being "honest" with both me and OW H that they would be paving the way for them to be together. They thought that OW H would leave and that I would blow up and go to OW H with my story. My H thought that we needed to tell our kids so "they could decide how to feel about what was going on."

OW H is not leaving. He said they are working on things but that OW had said that she "wanted to just be alone", etc., at different times since she told him what had happened. He said they are cordial to each other, but are trying. OW children know that she had some texts, phone calls, and a lunch with my H in 08. They asked her why she did not call me to tell me that my H was contacting her. They told her that she could have stopped with the text and phone calls and that she was at fault for going to lunch with and having any contact with my H. Regardless of what happens with their relationship it will be the OW leaving as her H has no intention of leaving.

Obviously OW H does not think highly of my H. We are both shocked that the two of them would totally disregard the affect all of this would have on the children.

I may be viewing this incorrectly but does this sound like two MLC people trying to manipulate?

I have no idea if my H and OW are in contact with each other or not. I have been as dark as I possibly can with my H - contact only about children and end conversations or meetings as soon as possible. I do have to see him at some ballgames but I sit with my friends and leave him alone - most people still do not know that we are separated.

I am not really trying to hide that we are separated but I "feel" that letting everyone know will actually pave the way for my H and OW to start seeing each other openly.

So, what do you think? MLC manipulation? or just stupid adults living in a fantasy?