Mission 25. I Really Mean it this time>

[ninelives]

Okay , just got back from Church. Felt good, got to go in with low expectaions and just let things happen. It was good to be around the positive energy that church provides.

Had a very nice talk with a woman whose children I taught and went through something similar to me. She told me that she is still trying to navigate this thing 5 years later and is Ok now but really, she didnt sound it. She says she cant forgive her husband for breaking up a strong family unit. That is the part she struggeles with and then later said that she can forgive.

I feel that she is waiting for him to get out of the fog but he is on medication which makes him " oUt of sorts"

We talked about her daughter and how she was hurt by it but puts hubby in his place. Then she told me how much I meant to her daughter as a teacher. Im not trying to sound egotistical but I hear that alot, even heard it later from another parent when I was at the grocery store. Makes me feel good, Like I am making a difference. That used to bother my Wife when parents stopped me and told me things like that. She mentioned that I should have put that type of effort into our family.

I can see how she would feel that way , but I dont think I neglected my family because I put everything into my school, I did coach alot however was still home by 5:30 ish.. I could have been home earlier and maybe helped with supper and the like.

I just thought I was being a dedicated teacher. I look at what I did with the family and it was as much as anybody. I coached both my sons on their teams, played with them, cooked some of the meals. IDK. COuld she be jealous of some of my success?

ONe thing I didt help enough with for sure was the laundry. Could have and should have helped way more with that.

Anyway, getting back to the Church thing, I lit a candle and took communion today in honour of forgiveness. I am trying to recognize that she was unhappy and frail and doesnt always make good decisions. I am not for ONE second condoning what she did , but Im trying to let go of the anger. That is all I can do and maybe it will help. It wont be a quick fix either, its going to take me a great deal of time to truly forgive and Im not sure If I can totally , but its a start.

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