I'm still here

[dcz]

I know how hard it is I am in the same house with my H. Lovehurts #2 is right on day at a time. I was told this morning no chance of us working things out. After he went back and forth with well maybe. I kind of wish H was not here it is to hard for me some times. Keep your head up.

[~¤DG¤~]

It makes me happy to read that you and your H reconciled.

Care to tell me more about it?

[lovehurts2]

i wish there was a happy story to tell

But i am back here with separation no.2.

I can tell you that when i was separated for the first time, i was a mess, i lost a lot weight, i couldn't even laugh at joke, smile when the sun was shinning.Like yourself, It I was always constantly thinking about my H. Is he too was thinking about me?or if he was hurting too. It was like i was in a human body with no soul.

Then i found this forum by accident, and i ordered the DB and DR and read them straightaway. I can't tell you how much those books taught me on advice that my friends could never give me. I was always in the forums looking at other people's post, and learning that way. The support network on here is amazing.

I did the LRT, and to cut off communication was hard. I fought myself to msg or call him (at times i did slip) and then one day he started calling me. At first it was once a week at best,then it was a few days and then everyday.

I was careful to not act "too happy" as i didnt want to look desperate and drive him away, i wanted us to build our friendship again. He saw that i had kept myself busy and i was keeping fit, i would presume that he saw that the girl he first met and loved, had returned in me. A man is not going to find any woman attractive if she is crying all time, begging and showing low self esteem.

I practiced everything that was in those books, and i can promise you everyday it gets that much easier. You learn to love life again, you learn that the woman you use to be before M is still there inside. GAL is so important, to know that a man or woman does not define your life.

If H didnt ask me back, then i know i was stil on the road to that pot of gold. It is always about patience and being true to yourself.

Never give up on hope,hope on yourself and love.

H and I are separated now (u can see in my sitch) and it was much my fault as his. But i got caught up in the fairytale that we would now be ok after getting back and i did not continue to practice the advice i had read. It is so important to keep on working on a marriage, i had let it slip into our old ways. And i am kicking myself.

Anyways this is your post, but i can tell you that if you keep that head high, smile, GAL and look forward ..your H will have a hard time not noticing you.

Everyone says give its all about time and how time heals, i believe that its what you do with your time, is what matters.

[~¤DG¤~]

I completely agree. Time does heal all.

I'm sorry to hear that you and your H have separated again, I really hope you can work through it.

The DB, DR, and this forum have been my savior through all of this.
I don't know if you've read all my posts but I have come a long way since H & I separated in Feb. I've been in IC for almost 5 months and it has done wonders for my spirit and self esteem. I've often said that even though I hate the circumstances that lead me to take a good look at myself, I am grateful for the wake up call because it made me realize that there was a lot of work I needed to do on myself. I have done some true 180's and I have a ways to go, but I am confident that I can change my life where once upon a time I felt it was hopeless.

I'm owning up to my mistakes in my M, and I no longer beat myself up over them. Sometimes I get down on myself but then I remind myself that I am no longer that woman.

The GAL is going ok, some days are good, others not so much.
I do believe in myself and I do believe in love, but I don't think I would ever get remarried if H & I do end up divorcing, it would be my 2nd D and if I can't make 2 M's work, it's obviously not for me.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling----

I slept like absolute sh*t last night. Didn't fall asleep until about 3:30 and woke up around 7. Today is going to be a long day, that's for sure.

Not one word from H at all, I did text him yesterday to say hi and didn't get anything in response. I shouldn't care, and I shouldn't let it bother me but I'm human and it does.

I am going to try my best to have a good day.

[Timetotry]

DG,

You are not following a key LRT DB rule, initating communication. Please stop texting him! Even though you may think its harmless, its pursuing. You are giving him more reason to avoid you by not giving him the space he wants.

Let him come to you no matter what. Even if you tried to justify saying its a 180 if you text him. When he finally does, it will make you feel better internally (well for the moment). This is one of the easiest rules to follow so please do it for any chance of a R. Text a friend instead or text one of the kids to say hi. Someone other than HIM. I know its hard, been there, done that, but I haven't initated in 4 months other than for kids and even then I try not too. Not that I am piecing (hope too someday) but my H texts me all the time now, everyday and calls too.

Stop please!

[~¤DG¤~]

DG,

You are not following a key LRT DB rule, initating communication. Please stop texting him! Even though you may think its harmless, its pursuing. You are giving him more reason to avoid you by not giving him the space he wants.

Let him come to you no matter what. Even if you tried to justify saying its a 180 if you text him. When he finally does, it will make you feel better internally (well for the moment). This is one of the easiest rules to follow so please do it for any chance of a R. Text a friend instead or text one of the kids to say hi. Someone other than HIM. I know its hard, been there, done that, but I haven't initated in 4 months other than for kids and even then I try not too. Not that I am piecing (hope too someday) but my H texts me all the time now, everyday and calls too.

Stop please!

Yes, you are right....I am depending way too much on his texts...and I know this. I keep telling myself the same things over and over again, yet I continue to do them. It's no wonder nothing different is happening!

When did I become this co dependent schmuck?
I don't know when I did, but I want to break free of it. Thank you for reminding me, yet again, of what I am doing wrong. (Not that you have reminded me constantly...I just meant I've been reminded before, not necessarily by you.)

[~¤DG¤~]

These are the thoughts that are running through my mind at the moment.
I figured I'd post them here instead of being stupid and asking my H since I seem to be so impulsive that way.

1. Doesn't it bother him that he hasn't seen me in over 2 weeks?

2. Does it hurt to go to sleep every night, alone?

3. Does he ever plan on coming back?


How long is too long to wait? Am I considered "waiting"?

Like I said...they are my thoughts...not truths.

[lifejustgothard2]

I'd like to know the answers to those exact questions from my husband. Its so hard.

[islander]

Your thoughts are perfectly normal, just don't obsess about them. I also think a lot of the questions we have we know the answers to, but others we never will. We get confused, then obsess. I think one day it will all make sense.