Where do I go from here?

[BTRGuy]

Hi ya'll.

My wife moved out on 9/11/2010. I created the situation by lying, spending too much time away from home, playing on the internet on Facebook, eBay, MySpace, TBD, and Match.com. My spending habits weren't the best, either. The longer things went, the more brazen I got.

She found out in late April of 2009, and didn't confront me until the day she left.

Since then, I started seeing a social worker to get myself straight. She says I've made real progress and I'm proud of that. My wife went to see her once, alone so the social worker could compare our stories. Both were nearly the same. She hasn't been back since.

My wife and I have never stopped seeing each other, usually a couple of times a week and we also talk on the phone as well. We go out to eat, shopping, or to church. We hug and exchange kisses before parting. More of the "maiden aunt" type, though we were actually kissing before I put my foot in my mouth just before Valentine's day.

Here's the part that bothers me the most. Shortly after she found out about my activities, she called someone she's known most of her life. He was her first BF and they dated again in the mid-nineties. He dumped her both times. Still, there's some emotional attachment there. Her cell is still on my account, and that's how I discovered it soon after she left. The conversations range from a few minutes to two hours.

I told her that I knew in late January. She said he's "just a friend." My friends and daughter say the same.I don't like it one bit, but until I have proof of something else, I have to accept it.

Two weeks after she left her mother (then age 84) fell and she's been living there since. Her dad is 88 and has lung cancer of the type associated with Asian women, not Caucasian men. I don't expect him to live past the beginning of 2012.

Neither of us has filed, and I don't want a divorce. I've made my desires clear from the start, I want to reconcile. Yet, she keeps seeing me, sometimes totally spur of the moment.

What do ya'll think?

[StaciG]

I am new to all this too, but I think it is best that you both continue to see the Counselor. Sounds like you both need that. Really you cant be upset with your W because look at the things that you were doing match.com??? That seems worse to me than her talking to a friend. Dont jump into anything to quickly, like with divorce and go to the counseling sessions both of you seperatly.

[lovehurts2]

Btr,

Sorry that you have landed here but you will find out this is a great place to learn and grow.

Im right with Stacig, you cannot be mad a her if she caught you on match.com. You need to ask yourself why were u on that site.

I do not know your wife, but as a female sometimes we need advice and opinions of the opposite sex. For now believe her is she says they are just friends, if you deny it and accuse her of anything..it will backfire and just push her away.

I can only guess that she keeps seeing you on spur, to check "has he changed?" "is his life still consumed in front of a computer screen?"

[~¤DG¤~]

Add me to the list of people who are wondering why you were on a dating website.

I agree with lovehurts, just because she is talking to another man does not mean she is doing anything suspicious.

I think it is a good sign that you two spend time together and that nobody is filing for divorce. Personally, I feel unless there is abuse, or serial cheating, it's never too late.

Keep your head up, keep going to counseling and working on yourself.