You are really, really not alone, buddy. Let's look at the things you have in common with a LOT of people who've posted here:
Comparing your sex life to the average? CHECK. (By the way, if you ask your wife, be prepared for her to tell you once a month is about average. If you tell her about the study you cited, be ready for her to say the respondents were embarrassed to admit the truth. Expect her to say that "everyone" she knows let their sex lives die after a few years of marriage and that's just how life is.)
Everything changed after the kids? CHECK.
"What do you want?" as a response to loving touch? CHECK. My least-favorite was "Do you HAVE to do that?"
Catch-22 where the LD partner expects the HD partner to be faithful but doesn't work to fix the issues that are driving the HD partner away? CHECK.
Feels like she's actually trying to hurt you on purpose for some reason you can't figure out? CHECK.
Read the book right away. The first BIG thing you'll get from it is that you're not alone. The next BIG thing is that your wife may be just as hurt and confused as you are, believe it or not, even if it didn't start out that way. When my LD wife read the first chapter of SSM, she cried.
She and I have come a LONG way, and I no longer think we're headed for divorce. However, you should be ready for things to get harder in some ways before they can get easier. I went from dreading the next 50 years of my loveless, sexless, lifeless marriage to dreading divorce to slowly working my way back to a marriage I could be happy in. We're not perfect, but we're both making an effort now and happier than we were when we got married.
