If this is fine with you then why do any R talk? I hate to say this if it's out of line so feel free to ignore it...but I just don't see the IC's point here.
Your h just said he's NOT ready to go further into the R right now, (and some other more self pitying things as well). He's resisting R talk so I'd back off way back. I DO think knowing there's a risk of losing you, will be sufficient, in time, as a motivation for change and if not, then you'll know something important about h and his qualities as a h for the future. IDK when that should happen. Depends on you and whether you'll need movement one way or the other and when.
If things are stable enough right now, & your times are relatively good, I guess I wonder, why rock the boat? For now, I mean.
Catch your breath, keep things smooth enough to stabilize and let the dust settle a bit.
As for the OW issue, it's possible that you may have to let that go. Must you know everything IF it is over? Do you feel helped by knowing all the details? I am not saying either way (heard that "After the Affair" is a good book).
I just felt helped by moving "from this day forward" and not trying to view our marital history identically. Besides, turns out h had a different "lens" with which h saw things and we definitely had different score cards, if you know what I mean. So we let go of them.
So we agreed on some basics, owned our part in things, vowed to do things differently, and went forward. Also attended Retrovaille after a year of Piecing. THAT helped more than I expected and at that time, h showed remorse he'd been feeling far longer and deeper than I had realized... I finally realized, "wow, h really does GET it..." and it did a lot for us. food for thought
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
