I'm still here

[25yearsmlc]

I read some of my first posts in this community and it has made me realize that some of my 180's are true 180's because I'm still doing them.
I said I was less angry, more grateful, and I still am. I'm proud of myself for that.

I realize also that I still obsess too much about my H and the state of our M and I really need to work on that.

Absolutely. Let's not worry about when he called last or how long it's been and whether he is thinking of you or not or feeling this way or that or thinks the sun is purple or blah blah blah...

Can you pretend he's in the Australian bush and is unavailable for 2 years? (unless he gets to the Satellite phone?)

I mean whatever works, imagery, perspective...you know the whole thing about how lucky you are compared to the rest of women in the world?

I mean that, it's not a cliche. We/You are lucky as heck. Why? B/C we live in a free nation, we vote and drive and work, we have food in our refrigerators, (we have refrigerators!), and there will be food in it tomorrow, we are healthy, and when we are not, we go to hospitals and doctors for care, our children are healthy and no one is raping them or dragging them off into their thug armies, we worship as we please, no one is shooting at us, or robbing us, or telling us that we no longer can leave our homes without a male chaperone. Though we may have troubles with our h, we have h's and know that they are not missing in action, have not had their arms or legs hacked off with machetes, we are not being hunted down for being in the wrong ethnic group, we are not going hungry. We are free. You know DG, every single problem mentioned in this paragraph is a present day problem for more than a billion women. IN fact, we are more fortunate than 99% of women in the world. So, now and then, it's a good idea to say thanks to Him.

If your h stays away and it means you are a single woman, so be it. I mean you are not the first woman to be left and you won't be the last.

I don't mean to sound like a beyYotch, but now and then you just have to snap out of it with some reality. The reality is, you're damn lucky to be here. You are on a computer now, getting and giving support to people who care about your problems and have faced something like it themselves. You are not alone.

(( ))

[~¤DG¤~]

Thanks 25, for putting things into perspective.

I do know that I am blessed in many ways, and compared to many of the issues in the world, my problem is nothing in comparison to what other people may be dealing with.

I do give thanks each and every day to God, several times a day in fact.

I've always had obsessive/compulsive tendencies, so it really is no surprise that I have been thinking about this non stop.

I am extremely proud of the 180's I have made. It wasn't until I read my old posts did I realize that I have made some true, sincere 180's and they feel good. That is enough incentive for me to realize that I can change my life for the better, and to keep it up.

[islander]

DG, It is helping me to remember all of the things that I am grateful for, like 25 said. It was hard at first and I really had to force myself to think about those things, and to believe in them. But the more you do it, the easier it gets. You need to do whatever you need to do to take the focus off of him.

[~¤DG¤~]

Today is an insane day at work, and I am grateful for the distraction.

My goal is to try and keep as busy as possible this weekend, so I don't spend too much time thinking.

[jbnati]

Sounds like a great idea, DG. Do some fun things for yourself.

[~¤DG¤~]

If you consider grocery shopping and laundry having fun then I guess I'm going to be having myself a party! :o)

[~¤DG¤~]

I'm kind of all over the place right now.

I was in a really good mood earlier. I went with a friend to see a movie and it was really funny. We laughed the entire movie.
Then after I got home I finished watching a movie I had started previously and the ending was sad and then I felt depressed.

I hate how I can go from one extreme to the next.

Not one word from H today, and that makes me sad. He usually at least says hi or something through out the day, but nothing. There could be a million reasons why he hasn't and I know I really shouldn't speculate.

Sometimes I just miss him so damn much. I'd love to feel his arms around me or hear his voice in my ear. I try not to think about that stuff too much but sometimes it's hard not to.

[Timetotry]

(((hugs)))

[~¤DG¤~]

Thanks T2T....I appreciate it

[lovehurts2]

Sometimes I just miss him so damn much. I'd love to feel his arms around me or hear his voice in my ear. I try not to think about that stuff too much but sometimes it's hard not to.

I think most of us here know this feeling too well. Its sh*t. Real sh*t.Nothing worse than expecting some kind of contact from a WAS, and to get zero.It really messes your mind.

Like everyone suggest, keep yourself busy... its always hard at first, trying to occupy yourself but your mind is thinking about S. And in the back of our head we think "is the WAS thinking about me too?"

Down the track...these "missing" feelings appear less and less and at the same time i find it that's when we start loving ourselves a bit more and more. After my first separation it was hard, tough hard. The first month was terrible but then i GAL did the 180..and i was starting to love life again. (This happiness led my H to see the differences) we did reconcile BUT even if we didn't i knew i was on the road to recovery.

One day at a time.