85 Days

[Denver_2010]

I know you have followed my thread. Every word.

Yep. I have Gritter. And I admire your perseverance so much man. I also know that you are struggling with your own sitch right now. I hope that you know that, no matter what you decide, that you will continue to be shining example to all of us of what DBing is all about. And... a true success story here.

And if what I say has any benefit to anyone here then my typing one letter was worth it.

Then count EVERY word that you have typed as worth it Gritter. You have helped me and so many others.

I am struggling right now with my will. My will to continue this fight in the face of adversity.

I have been here before. It just seems that the time is weighing on me.

That is no one's fault but mine. My perception of time. And each person has his own.

I assume that you tell me this because you see me struggling with the same thing Gritter... My will to continue this fight in the face of adversity.

I am. And I know that you are as well. I also know that each of us has to reach our own conclusion as to whether or not we continue the fight.

If you ask me? I see a heck of a lot more to be hopeful about for you than I have right now. But that means nothing Denver.

It actually means a lot to hear you say that Gritter.

I know that there is still hope in my sitch. I do.

My fight though is with the emotional damage that I am suffering as a result of what has occurred over the past several weeks. It has affected every other aspect of my life. I am struggling to stop the bleeding.

I sense anger and resentment towards W creeping into my brain and my soul. These are emotions that I have not experienced all that much with my situation up until now. They, along with fear, are the demons that I am fighting.

I have been divorced and it is the most painfull thing I have ever expereinced in my life. Maybe that is why I am willing to go furhter this time.

The pain you suffer in the while of this is NOTHING to the regret you may feel the rest of your life.

I am wondering why you feel that the pain of divorce is so much more than the pain that I feel while this is going on and so much more than possible regret?

I have never gone through a D... and I can see why it would be painful... more so when children of the two parties are involved ... but you and I do not have children with our S's and you did not with your first (if I am remembering correctly). It seems at some point, a time of diminishing returns to suffering through trying to salvage the M hits us. Where we truly have to ask ourselves, is it worth it?

That means balancing the pain and regret of D... vs ... the pain and emotional damage of going through THIS.

Put EVERYTHING you have toward this until you have no more.

I am telling you as man who has been through it.

You WILL regret any effort you leave behind in yourself.

Do it.

Thanks for push up the mountain Gritter... I need it right now.

My WILL to continue this fight is being challenged by the adversity that I am facing.

As you have said in the past... I need to decide if this is a hill that I am willing to die on.

I don't know yet.

BITS
Denver