WAW, and a bisexual open marriage part 2

[Denver_2010]

GB,

you have gotten some GREAT advice here. How about taking some of it?

GB - I just spent some time reading some of your thread. I did read the first few entries that describe what is going on. It is a complex sitch for sure.

Listen man, I know just how difficult it is to actually follow some of the advice the DB/DR, 25, Country and 9 have given you. Trust me, I do. But I also know that this advice works if you follow it and give it a chance.

Country gave you a list of 35 or so basic DB rules. Read that... and then read it again. You need to be applying these rules. I started out with them and they are a great way to get started.

GAL - I know that you are being pounded by advice to GAL. This is the hardest one for me right now too. That being said, I can also tell you that my experience doing it in December and January made me realize that it works in multiple ways. GAL to make yourself feel better about YOU. Trust me, it will. Even if you have to force yourself to go do stuff. GAL to make yourself appear somewhat mysterious. This works as well. If you are out doing stuff, your W will begin to wonder what you are doing. And, most likely, she will start to wonder if she is losing her grip on you. (which she has right now).

I honestly don't know what to tell you about you giving your W permission to seek out OPs. My W engaged in a R, A, whatever you want to call it depending on your perspective. LOL... Either way, the fact of this R was absolutely painful to me. And it has made reconciling very, very difficult. While I am willing to forgive my W for this R, I don't know that I wouldn't consider setting a boundary if I were in your current sitch.

A Boundary though is something that you will need to be willing to back up with action on the set out consequences... if you do it. No OP's W or you will have to move out of the home... for example.

I just don't know how your sitch gets better as long as W is still actively seeking this out.

On the other hand, sometimes we have to drop the rope. I look at this as really, really detaching and moving on, to some degree, with my own life. Putting the outcome of your sitch in the hands of a higher power... whatever that is for you. Recognizing that you do not control your W, her actions, or her choices... and letting go ... Google the Serenity Prayer. It helps.

Your problem as I see if GB is that you don't have a clear plan as to what you are doing. You have to come up with one and then set small goals to measure progress. But what you are doing is NOT working man. And the bottom line with DB is to do WHAT WORKS.

I will try to keep up on your sitch as much as I can. I'm going through a rough patch with my own sitch so I just haven't had the emotional energy to really give thoughtful advice to others lately. So I apologize if I am in and out.

Hang in there. Time and Patience are the ultimate keys to this ... however it turns out.

BITS
Denver