Mission 25. I Really Mean it this time>

[ninelives]

The work is going OK, I have alot to keep me busy and ofcourse, keeping my household going. Im making a real effort to have the house look good, better than when she was here as she often compared our house to her dads who was retired and had all day to maintain. Add the great amounts of coaching that I did , my house was kept up but was not going to win awards.

There are pros and cons to everything. You know 25, Sometimes I wonder why I do want her back. I know I love her and have for a number of years however, if she felt so inferior to me before, I cant imagine her being able to forgive herself to carry on with our family. Just a passing thought.

You have become a celebrity on this site, much like Sandi. Everybody seeks out your advice and follows all your threads.
I hope that gives you some satisfaction and you contiue to help us poor schleps. I know you will be busy again with work soon as I think you made a reference to that.

I think I have learned a great deal, dont always follow it , but I have learned and want to contiue to help people even after my sitch either progresses back to M or we end in divorce.

I am really going to lay low for awhile and focus on my coaching soccer and keep trying to detach.

I hope to be happy and on the right tract. The forgiveness isnt there yet but at least I am open to the idea of it now whereas before, it was simply not going to happen.

I watched a play at our school the other day and the main character was an alcoholic. ONe line was truly good for me in my sitch and I think can apply to many.

Basic premise was that he had 2 wolves living inside him , one that was destructive and hung on to hate , regret and drove him to drink.

The other one was full of hope and forgiveness.

Both were in conflict and causing him to spin his wheels.

When asked " Which wolf is surviving?

HIs response, the one that I FEED.

Made me think. I am feeding that one of hate too much.

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