Is my LRT working?

[Tomtom]

Many thanks for your replies. Any help is badly needed

Her main reasons for leaving me are that she thinks that I don't appreciate her for who she is and that she does not love me anymore. But she has given me tons of other reasons as well. She has mentioned all my negative traits and is not able to see anything positive about our relationship. She is perfectly right about some things, but there are other problems that I don’t understand at all. For example, she tells me that I am not motivated enough at work and that I haven’t found the right job. Well, she is probably right about this and I would understand if my boss complained about it, but my wife! (?)

Some background info might be necessary. Our relationship started to deteriorate about two years ago (we started dating ten years ago). It’s hard to tell why this happened, but I think the main reason is me being depressed. I let my personal problems stand in the way for our relationship and it has all been about me and my problems. I have not been there for her when she needed support and I have been grumpy and complained a lot. I can understand if she believes that I don’t love her for who she is and I do take a lot of responsibility for what has happened. I am desperately motivated to change my behavior and I think I already have, but she tells me it’s ‘too little, too late’. Maybe I deserve this, but I seriously don’t think that anyone of us (including our daughter) would be happier if we separated. However, I’m not willing to take all the blame (although right now I do that if she asks me). She has contributed to the downward spiral that has been going on. The last six months before her big announcement were terrible. We argued a lot and lived completely separate lives under the same roof.

Right now she probably has a bad conscience for our daughter. One of her reasons for leaving me is that it’s bad for our girl to hear us arguing all the time (though I think we never argued THAT many times in front of her). Now I have proved to her for quite some time that we CAN live under the same roof without arguing and this means that separating for our child’s sake is no longer a valid reason.

When it comes to the OM, I started having suspicions about a year ago. The reasons were that she stopped talking about him. She talks a lot about her job and co-workers, but suddenly stopped talking about him although I knew they were good friends. After a while, things became more obvious. I found out a couple of times that she had been lying about her whereabouts and that she had actually spent time with him. He has obviously had a great influence on her. He is a very religious man and my W has started reading the bible and going to church regularly, which is something completely new. (She doesn’t seem to have learned about forgiveness and reconciliation yet). At one point she suddenly started watching birds, which she eventually admitted that he is also doing. I’ve also found out that they have given each other small presents (books, etc). She admits that he is a very close friend and that they have talked about our marital problems and that he has been a great support to her, but denies having an affair with him. I’m prepared to believe her in the sense that there has probably not been a physical affair. He is a married man and has two children and I guess he feels responsible and committed to his own family. I do understand that this is by no means a guarantee for anything and that they are very likely emotionally involved with each other. My suspicions made me act quite hostile at times and she says that she made up her mind about the divorce when I started rejecting her physically, which was something that really hurt her.