Just received a few emails from W... First 2 were photos of D2 at her birthday party.
The third was W asking if I wanted to try a different child custody arrangement... She gets a week... I get the next week. Obviously there is one HUGE problem with that... I have no way to drop kids off at school... I work 3rd shift and don't get off until they are already in school. Also if I do pickup and drop off and raise them all day... I have ZERO opportunity for sleep. I don't know how she would pick them up when she has the ... She goes to work at 2pm until 11pm. That also means I would have to get a babysitter so I can sleep after they get home from school... She would have to get a sitter also from 2p-11p 5 days out of their week. What that means is the kids prime time of the day home from school when they should be with parents / family... They would be with a sitter. That's unacceptable to me. You think a judge would allow that? Currently the setup is a major benefit to the kids... I'm always with them when they are home from school. She is able to do drop off and I am able to do pickup... No problem... Seamless
I don't know why she'd do that to them? It's not about her seeing them more... They'd clearly just be with sitters instead if a parent. That makes me very angry.
Trying not to bash or read into it, but it looks like it would allow her more time to herself at their expense of course. These are the things that upset me, reckless disregard for the kids.
BTW I did not respond... #1 I'm too flustered, #2 I don't know what the he'll to say to that... I'll have to see what my attorney says... If there is going to be a change in arrangements I will fight for her to pay me as it should be and zn arrangement that ONLY benefits our kids.
WOW blessed, 25 has sure done her job here. Please listen to EVERYTHING she has said without the YEAH BUTS. Those will not server you well.
It is diffuicult to see our roles in this as LBS and take the ownership to heart. I do caution you to Yes , take some ownership but dont beat yourself up over it. And stop playing the victim card. I played that card so much and it was not productive at all. What was the matter with me? I did EVERYTHING WRONG and really pushed her towards the OM , maybe to the point where it cant be saved.
You need to take stock on your victim behaviour. And Forgiveness is goig to take Everything Ive got. Hopefully you can do that as well.
Good luck, you can do this with patience.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Blessed, my first thought way back when you were discussing custody was exactly what your w suggested. One week on, one week off b/c it made sense to me for max stability for the kids OTHER THAN one parent getting them all, which of course would be most stable but LEAST desirable for the losing parent.
I have to figure out your sitch b/c I don't get what your objection is. I'll re read that part b/c it was complicated to me. What's your objection really about? IT cannot be about whether it's easier for her b/c this is NOT about her, or you, it's about the kids. But since I have to re-read that, I won't say anymore for now.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
My objection regarding her newest proposal is simply that the kids will be forced to be mostly raised by a babysitter during the best time of their day. My W would only see them when they wake until 2pm. Her interaction with them will not increase... It will actually decrease... Instead of seeing them 10 days in 2 weeks from 7a-2p... She would only see them 5 days 7a-2p. I know my W... On her off days they will be overnight at someone's house one or both of those days... Is what she does now.
The other big issue is I will be in a position where I will be unable to provide them transportation to school each morning. I don't know how she would even do pickup herself... But that would be her concern. Kids are currently in schools that do not bus from our location... We did open enrollment to better schools.
so she works from 2pm on? This summer that would be good, right? She'd have them for the bulk of the day and you'd get them for the afternoon/evening? They'd need a sitter for a few hours between 2 and whenever you get them? SRE the summer, it sounds good. MAYBE I'm missing something. I am missing something b/c I was just imagining that you guys split them on each day.
In the fall, I see your point but is she a nurse or exec? If she's a nurse, she can get diff shifts, right?
I have to re read your posts about it or you can simplify...I'm tired
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
The current situation is BEST for the kids, however she sees them less because of the shift she works. As I said her new suggestion would allow her more flexibility and freedom in her life... It would benefit my personal and social life too... But she would see them even less as would I... The BABYSITTER / CHILDCARE facility would see them most, and I don't think that is a good idea for our kids. I can't allow that. I just don't and it has nothing to do with what I personally want. If she would be in a position to be with then herself 2p-bedtime... A setup that would encourage more parental interaction on her part and mine... I'd have no problem with it.
On school days W picks all 4 kids up at 7am... Drops 3 at school right away... Only had baby then until 2pm... when she drops baby off at my house. I go pickup the 3 others from school and take care of them until bedtime... I work 12am-8am (sometimes mandatory overtime). My sister will be living with me until I am 1st shift (about 1 1/2 to 2 years away)... So sis is just in the home while they are asleep.
On werkends or days kids not in school W has all of them 7am-2pm. On our off days... We both have them and perform all the duties alone.
It works very well and the best case scenario for the kids.
