Won't stand for a broken family

[Timetotry]

25, H was first hit pretty hard with his brother's death from head injuries. The police reassurred again and again it wasn't his fault. He slid on ice, car went over a hill and everyone in the car tumbled. When I met him and as years went on he would just keep it in. He'd say that he was so lucky to find me and then our children; we were his world. His mom is still upset about his brother's death 24 years later but knows it wasn't my H's fault. Also, another tidbit is that my H's natural dad was an alcoholic. I fell in love with someone who had a lot of baggage but he really was a victim in all of it. Dad is clean nfor 22 years now, Mom is married for the third time to a Child C(go figure). Sounds like a crazy family but really these people are not that bad.

H was and is still a great Father. Does not want to be the way his Dad was at all. Coaches kids sports activites, tries to do things with them, etc. He is a good friend too. Everyone likes him but many people will say that he is 'arrogant' or 'full of himself' but can be counted one. I felt he had great self-confidence but also knew the other side at time and that he shared his feelings with me when he'd doubt himself. Not very often, but did.

Do I want to reconcile? Absolutely! I would not be DB'ing if not. I am trying to give him space and he has done some serious damage to me and the kids but I still know that although the past 5-6 months haven't been good, and the time he had an A for a few months do not outweigh all of the wonderful times we had together. Sometimes I question though is it the 'idea' of a marriage or the actual person that I want? I challenge my thoughts in so that "worked so hard to have him finally be a partner and not have the pressure on me for income why don't I deserve the return that is a very comfortable life with no money worries"? Then I think, hey, got half of his income anyway for support that he gives me so its not really that. I want him mind, body and soul.

Nice to hear you say about the IC's opinion, I have thought the same and challenged her. She says she must have the 'empty chair' mentality and from the information I provide her, she says she can make a diagnosis. I do have my doubts though. I offer H to see any IC or MC, he just doesn't feel he needs anything and can figure everything out on his own. Yes, he is VERY stubborn! I stopped bringing it up though since I don't want to pressure him and he would have to want to go for it to work anyway.

So, I continue to be patient and pay attention to what works. I just wish I could speed up the process. Although he won't say he is trying, I think he is. Talking to me everyday now, making excuses to come over and hinting/flirting because no matter what he says he is "physically attracted to me, its just a mental thing he can't get past". I do not hold back sex, never did, never will; don't think that is right and we both always enjoyed it (and still do). More reason why I want to fight for the M. Too much good that outweighs the bad.

Thanks again for your insight, it truly means so much to me.