Tipper, you asked about boundaries. Now my h has never really wanted to come back, so I am perhaps not the best person to be talking to you. He has occasionally talked the talk but never walked the walk.
I decided that the most important thing was that I recover, and live my life, and to do that I could not have him in my life, so I went totally dark. I learned to live without him. It was and is hard, but it is better for me. I am not destablised by contact from someone who is essentially crazy, as far as I am concerned. Doesn't matter what others think. I am working hard on forgiveness, and I am certainly not bitter. The thing that concerns me most is the damage my xh has inflicted on his children, and that is immense. But as I have posted elsewhere, I got one of the very very mean MLCers.
Forgiveness is not the same as being available to them. I do not understand why you text back and forth. Where is it getting you? Let him go totally. Go dark, not to punish him, but to heal and protect yourself.
I tried telling my xh when he asked, that I thought he needed help. It is a huge mistake. Until your H realises he has a problem stay away from him. I could be wrong but I think you may have co-dependency issues - most partners of alcoholics do - that you need to resolve, and you won't even begin to address these fully while you are still dipping a toe in the water of contact with your h. Sorry if this is tough, but you did ask. And like I said, my boundaries did not bring my h back, but I can now see that restoration of the marriage is not the main point with MLC. It is surviving ourselves. We cannot help them.
