Dolphin, this is based on observation, as sadly I have never had the chance to reconnect with my xh. Perhaps I never created the 'right' environment, who knows? Anyway, I think some marriages do reconnect fully, but I also think a fair few MLCers come back before they have resolved their issues, and then 'run' again at some point.
I don't think ultimatums work with MLCers, and I also think as long as OW is in the picture your h is still in MLC to some extent. What he is doing is hurtful to you, by remaining with her, and until he sees that for himself, and grows up a bit [or a lot!] is he really someone you want to be with?
In your shoes I think I would just be a whole lot less available to him. No need to say goodbye, and no need to go on seeing him as friends on his timetable . Occasional friendly contact would be enough to keep the door open. Almost all the work has to come from him.
And you can leave it to the man upstairs, but remember that He gave us freewill.
Anyway it is good that you can be pleasant and friendly! Unwavering hostility is very wearying.
