Positively moving forward

[awest1217]

I am doing ok. It was hard to watch H take his stuff and pack up more stuff. Just more hurt. I was very angry with him as he was doing it. Not yelling or anything, but I could feel the anger coming from me. I know the anger was just to cover the hurt. I knew that I couldn't be relieved about this being over for long.

Monday I will be signing the papers and then it will get filed. As long as the judge waives the trial it could be finalized by the end of next week. H will also have all of his stuff out of the house by Wednesday. I am glad, but also sad. I just really never wanted any of this.

CTH, you asked if I would choose H again if I met him, and I say I didn't really choose him to begin with. When we first met, I couldn't stand him and thought he was a jerk, but as we hung out every other day at school for half the school day (we had band together and then I tutored him and a bunch of his friends during our "homeroom" time because they were all also my band friends or my neighbors). After hanging out during school and starting to talk outside of school during football games or basketball games, somehow I started liking him. He grew on me and we just fit. Where he lacked, I was there to help, and where I lacked he filled it. A truly perfect fit. Would I choose him again if he ever asked to come back? I might. Maybe that is being naive and young.

This week will definitely be a long week. Plus H has S this weekend and next because of us switching for Mother's day weekend. If the D is finalized this week, I do know a few friends I may get to hang out with because they wanted to celebrate when it was all done. We'll see. Right now I am just enjoying some peace and quiet without any worries (even all of the housework is already done). I enjoy the peace. It is hard to be alone, but I enjoy the time to reflect and look at me, and have time to cry if I want or some times and probably tomorrow morning listen to my 80s pop, sing, dance, and smile