The point of a 180 is that if something in your marriage isn't working, then you try something completely different and see if it works.
Your preferred sexual frequency with your husband wasn't working when you were initiating sex, wasn't working so you are trying something else (i.e. not initiating). If you think initiating was presuring him, it probably was, so you made a good decision.
What else are you doing so that he feels loved while you are not initiating sex?
I am a big fan of Chapman's Five Languages of Love and the need to make our partner feel loved in their primary and secondary languages of love. Everyday I try to do a couple or more things in my wife's primary and secondary languages of love, so she feel really good about our relationship.
What kind of "healing stuff" are you working on with your husband. It sounds like a great approach and that you are both involved in "healing stuff."
What kind of stuff does your husband want to get better "first?"
One of the things you might want to do some introspection on is that a lot of people are physically exhausted from sleep deprevation. That can make it difficult for a man to "perform."
Similarly, over 2/3rds of the US population over 18 is overweight or obeese. That too can create both real medical problems with male performance and with self-image issues.
Low Testosterone levels in older men is also a problem.
ED medications are a billion dollar world industry for some real reasons.
Some (not all) men that have peformance problems are too embarised to discuss it openly and try to hide it via withdrawing sexually from their wives. Guys are strange like that. Make sure that your husband is OK medicially.
I wish you and your husband the best
Thanks.
I am trying to be nice to him. I am working on "my stuff." I kissed him this morning on the lips real quick and said "Good morning. I love you." And he was pretty taken aback by it and was like "Wow."
I'm listening more. Smiling more.
The "healing stuff" is that we both got together and had a baby and then a whole bunch of stuff came up - really from our pasts (childhoods) and so it was all our relatoinship issues - my abandonment, his withdrawing. So we are gradually talking through things and becoming more aware of our behaviors and trying to understand and forgive one another.
He is overweight, not a healthy guy, only 33, but on zoloft and allergy meds, doesn't work out. He talks about sex all the time and has no trouble when it comes down to it and wakes up in the morning kinda .. "raring to go." But we just don't have sex!
But we just don't have sex!