WAW, and a bisexual open marriage

[25yearsmlc]

Having OPs, is not a DB method, so you know.

I understand that you are lonely and your needs are far from being met. But the DBers warn against OP for a couple reasons I can think of. First, DBers are not into "open" marriages. I know you feel differently but they (and I agree with them) don't see them working and they premise their whole view of marriage as being a two person partnership, not a multiple party entity.

2) you don't actually want OP anyhow. It's a tactic to get her and that means you'd be using OW, who is a human with feelings and doesn't deserve to be used this way. And your needs are so unmet, with no end in sight, that you cannot imagine living like this feeling so lonely. I get that. But it's not going to do anything but complicate a bad situation.

3) AND you'd be modelling the very behavior you don't want, from your w.


Finally, this is not to say you can't be "mysterious" or "busy" and attractive to OWs...that may well get to her. Sounds silly but she's rather immature in some ways so who knows?

Thing is, GB, my perspective is not what you want to hear. You sound like a good guy trying super hard to be loved as you want to be, and as you deserve to be.

But you are m to someone who doesn't want to change, (per her refusal to get any professional help). She wants to get her way or she'll walk...how can you be m and walk on eggshells like that, and for how long?

Plus, in effect, is she saying she wants LESS closeness with you, not more?

Am I getting it right that she openly says she wants other lovers BUT NOT YOU, her own H?

Also, she seems hell bent on holding you to some promise you made under duress, that allows her to pretend she's a victim of you breaking your word & therefore being "untrustworthy"??

From where I sit, it sounds crazy and unfair. From where I sit, you are the aggrieved party, not her.
She wants to cheat, so she says YOU are not trustworthy b/c you no longer think an "open M" is a good idea???? I'm sorry, but I didn't take my crazy pills today.

GB, you are one patient man. But how can you make it if you don't know what she wants or expects, AND she hurts you repeatedly, and without any plan for it to stop?? I mean, when does this end? When do you get to ML to your w? When do you get to stop fearing she'll walk out the door? Will you always live with that constant, relentless fear? When will she be a reliable partner?

When do you think your needs will be addressed? I don't mean you have to have a date and time, but if she's literally not willing to see a c, and throws out the div word a few times a week, and won't meet your needs, and has a list of your flaws for YOU to work on, but none of her own, well, when does this get better? I don't sense a plan of action here.

What are you going to do when she does have OM? You going to be okay with that? I don't think so and btw, I seriously want you to be realistic about OW for her...

Your fantasy and the reason you may have agreed in the first place, is highly UNlikely to come true. OW will be a threat to your m, not an asset.

I don't see your w as inviting you into the bed more than once, if then. On the contrary, I think it just doubles her chance of an A, and does the m no good.

She may need to go out and discover what a great catch you are and maybe that's only going to happen by her being set free. But what is happening right now, I just don't understand.
I hope you get some DB coach time. It's worth it. Well worth it. What's stopping you?