WAW, and a bisexual open marriage

[25yearsmlc]

GB,

ouch...my other random thoughts are as follows. You have the right to change your mind. An essential element of most successful m's is monogamy and if you have doubts about a "promise" you were forced to make to get her to stay, you're allowed to express those doubts and you are allowed to change your mind! I see nothing wrong with that. Her feeble attempts to make you "commit" to allowing her OPs and saying she does NOT TRUST YOU, is really just extortion and it's out of line and seriously makes it out to be your fault. Few men would allow for this b/c what I think she's saying is "I will leave you if you don't let me cheat AND I don't want to be with you anyhow-which I'll tell you to your face- AND I don't know if I ever will....oh and you have to pay for everything, I don't have to be pleasant or courteous to you, I don't have to touch you, I get to tell you I'm not attracted to you at all-AND it's all your fault b/c you're not 'new' anymore" and "no I won't get help" because...."b/c I don't feel like it". Therefore you can have very little hope that anything will change...(how's THAT for a cold splash in the face?)

That's a lot to handle GB.

The rank thing irked me too, as a veteran and wife of a soldier. But maybe that's just a respect thing and it's another symptom. I don't get it.
I thought your comments were mostly right on target and I love what you said about feeling connected and wanting that with HER. She's really turning away from some real love and I can only assume she's got a really low self esteem and few conflict resolution skills. Was her family life messed up?

I know you love her and want to make it work. But there are some key essentials missing here. I hope she changes her mind and decides to work on them. Do you see yourself as a happy man, the way things are?
I don't get the feeling she's interested in changing. IN fact she's being very clear about that.

Does she have any idea what life would REALLY be like for her, if you two divorced? I mean, it's as if she thinks it would be a smooth transition. IT would not. She loses housing, health insurance and has to support herself and does not get to live overseas. I'm a little surprised she doesn't feel any pressure to make things work. She may not realize it, but in many ways, she needs you more than you need her. Yet the balance in the M gives her all the power and I don't get that.

BTW, the idea that you are "pressuring" her to stay in the m, well, duh. You wanted it to work.

I guess my question for her is, [b]What does she really expect from you?[/b