I believe you have answered your own question, CS.
Asking too much could be seen as pursuing. As 25 mentions, she is grieving so that's on her mind and SHOULD be on her mind.
As always, conversations about kids and finance are important to have. Everything else is idle R talk and should be avoided.
I would ask her again about your D21mo and offer to have her through the weekend, offering that you will make D21mo available as your W wants during that time. Outside of any general arrangements you have made.
As far as offers to help otherwise, I would say this weekend is pretty much set out. Everything that will happen that needs to be taken care of has probably been scheduled. If something comes up that hadn't been considered and needs immediate attention and is something that you could do, make the offer to assist and then let them decide how to handle it.
And if your W comes to you for emotional support, be there for her. Not because you are M, but because you are her friend and care that she's grieving. There is nothing more to interpret in that.
