Of Men or of Angels

[MHL]

So when do I leave this empty place?

When the PROSPECT of the possibility of YOUR future pain caused by....

your regret

her regret

thoughts of "what if's"

thoughts of "if only I waited a liitle longer"

etc

Etc

ETC.......

(you fill in the rest Grit)

When the all that stuff that MAY cause you pain in the future becomes smaller than the FEAR of remaining in that empty place is when you will move from that place.

What is odd is that the fear of staying in that place becomes greater as time marches on.

this is all driven by fear of what the future may hold for you...

GOOD or BAD.

Guess what????

Such is Life.

My father advised me not long before I made my decision to file..

He said,

"Chris life is a game and we wake up each day and play the game, some days we win, some days we lose, but we still have to play the game. The measure of one's life is not a tally of the wins and looses but rather the fact that we endured and did the best we could with what we had at the TIME."

I did the best I could with my marriage of 17 years and if I did an assessment of the last 20 months of my marriage I would say that I was a freakin' awesome Husband, Father, Son, and Friend to everyone around me.

I did my best.

I choose divorce...

Is that a win or a loss???

dunno??? I did my best....in fact I did the best I have ever done......when the pressure was on, I stood and delivered.

I don't have to prove it to anyone but the people I care about most know it, even my XW knows but most importantly ....

I know it.

Grit,

IMO you have been the best H that any W could ever have.

If it is fear of regret in the future that is binding you right now then I will tell you that it never goes away.....even after divorce.

I have accepted some things in my life that I have no control over and I have decided to keep moving to keep "playing the game" despite those things I can't control.....

Obviously I can't control my XW...duh

I can't control the fact that I will always love my XW.

I can't control the fear of regret I may feel one day if she wakes up. (whether that day is tomorrow or 10 years from tomorrow).

However, I CAN learn to LIVE with those things and MOVE forward with my LIFE......

and

BE HAPPY.

Take your time....

Cheers

~C