When It Rains, It Pours

[25yearsmlc]

Country,

you asked me to stop by and so, I am. Very sorry to hear of the loss of a role model for you and your w's father.

When a parent suddenly dies, as my f did some years back, you go into a suspended state of sorts. Not a lot else matters but small kindnesses are noticed and remembered, sometimes to be processed later.

Your w was derailed by this catastrophic event. You showed up and were a pillar of support, from whom she could not have asked more. Her family appreciated it. They told you. However they assumed the div was happening so you were left out of the obit. It was not an intentional slight, they simply have been focussed on their own pain. But they noticed your class. You manned up. They thanked you, as did she.

Your w has noticed that you are a great father to your daughter and she's even more acutely aware of the value that has, now. Many seeds have been planted in her but they need time to germinate. She's reeling right now and frankly, for anyone to think that she'd awaken to her "OMG what was I thinking? Of course I don't want a divorce...I want CS back NOW!!" is delusional and a tad self centered. (I know you aren't self centered, but if you were obsessing about how YOU fit into this, it would be...this time is not a time that is about your m or divorce, it's about a family dealing with the loss of their patriarch).

Really? She's in grief, and shock. There's no way that she's going to notice anything in the romance department for weeks or months.

She's reeling. And stumbling and getting back on her feet to work...she can barely function. Expect nothing. You've already gotten noticed, appreciation was verbalized by her family AND she told you "it was noticed" and will "be remembered..." Geez, how much do you want??

CS, here's how I see it. Realistically, it's the best case for you that you could expect. You did right by them, she noticed, she told you so, her family noticed and thanked you, and they all involve you still.


Given the givens, it was a good week for CS. Keep it up, and remember that for the next several weeks your w will lack the strength to re-assess any choices she has been making. She doesnt' have the energy right now to second guess things. But you planted seeds that you know are in there...let them grow. Don't push. Back off, while being supportive and upbeat. When she resurfaces and comes up for air, she'll look around and you'll be looking good. That's how i see it anyhow.