Can I close the door and leave it unlocked?

[ninelives]

These are emotions that come over you from time to time. Sometimes, the intellectual , logical you is in control and you see what has gone on and what the future is probably going to look like and that is without wife and marriage. Cant be sure, but probably. But these crazy things called emotions ente.

If only me and you Isalnder can live with the idea that our marriages are over and to put hope on a shelf way back in the closet and take it out ONLY if she wants that box opened.

In the meantime, we have to get healthy and really GAL. It happens in baby steps with some backslides along the way but it DOES happen. You know this to be true and so do I. We just have to REALLY accept the current SITCH that is mostly out of our control and be the STRONG people that anybody would love to have and even crazy to walk away from .

SOunds like you are having more and more glimpses to this type of thinking.

KUDOS.

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[islander]

Yes 9, and I was just going to post that I am starting to feel like i should just be done. I k ow what I want, but it doesn't seem realistic right now. I keep seeing my Ws profile pic on fb changing, and she seems to be obviously getting on with her life...so what am I to do

[♪CS♪]

so what am I to do

she seems to be obviously getting on with her life

^^^ This

Moving your life forward, is NOT giving up. It brings you closer to the person you want to be, whether that is with her in the future or not.

You ever see the movie (mini-series) Lonesome Dove?

Robert Duvall plays a character named 'Gus.' Great movie, great character. Anyways, he has a line:

It's not dying I'm talking about, it's living

That's what we should be doing. Living! The best we can.

[islander]

That s kinda what I am talking about. I have been dying for the last 7momths. I am not dead, I want to start living again

[islander]

And when I say I want to start living again, I realize that it is both a want and a need.

[ninelives]

Amen brother it is a need. Life is so precious and we only get one kick at it so we have to go about the business of living again for US. We will get there buddy. I feel it in my bones.

9

[islander]

Well today I feel pretty good. A little down but not too much, just missing my family. I am about to go run, then I have a bunch of stuff to do and not enough hours in the day today, so that should help.

I still haven't received the phone call from my W when she said she would call me back in twenty. Just bugs me a little too, but not major.

I heard a rumor that we may get a decent raise in a couple months at work, and that should help. But I know the raises are never big enough, but a raise is a raise.

I hope everybody is doing ok and staying string. I haven't been able to keep up l with everybody the last few days, buy will catch up this weekend.

[~¤DG¤~]

It sounds like your doing pretty good islander. Keep it up.

[islander]

W called me tonight and wanted to know if I picked up my SD from school today. I wasnt supposed to, but that's besides the point.

I told her no, and asked if she needed me to. She said no, but she knew I was off today and that sometimes I pick her up early from afterschool care.

This is true, but I haven't done so in a while, but that is also beside the point.

She said she was just wondering how her field trip was today and wanted to talk to her. I told her that her mom was picking her up from school, and that me and her dad were going to a church event tonight. She said ok, and that she would call her mom later. I asked if she needed anything else, which she didn't, and I told her I would talk to her later, and ended the convo.

I am nit reading anything into her contacting me, just noting that it is out of the ordinary for her lately.

When SD came home tonight, she was very excited to see me, then sat in the chair with me for 5 minutes. It was nice that she did that, made me feel loved by her. Then later, I looked through her back pack and saw her composition book. On the front of it she wrote the following names: mom, dogs name, islander, dad, OM!!!!!, SS, friend, friend.

It made me feel really hurt that she wrote OM name on her book. I can't even imagine how confused she is right now. She goes from acting very nice and loving, to mean and angry like a light switch. Her mom is really damaging her, and she is so thick in the fog she can't even see it. And there's nothing I can even do. And to top it off, we just found out she has a school play in two weeks. I asked SD if she had any plays a couple of weeks ago, and her grandmother asked her a couple of days ago, to which she replied no. Then mil found out yesterday she has a play in two weeks. WTF. She was always so excited and wanted all of her family at her plays. Now she doesn't want anybody.

[ninelives]

Islander, more and more I am seeing this for what it is. Whatever happens, take the high road. Be there for SD and take the pain from the book but never let her know about it. Keep her sheltered.

Yes, this is such a confusing time for all and GOd knows how many mistakes we have made but STOP making the same ones over and over. Try and be positive about the play and make it so she is excited about it.

IM not saying you did anything wrong but YOU HAVE to STOP the blame game in your OWN HEAD. Thats the pot calling the KETTLE black but WE HAVE TO ISLANDER.

We have to accept our EX's decisions because they own them and then play the cards we are dealt. When we play these cards , make them positive for the innocents involved and even for the people that screwed up.

We know your wife screwed up, but maybe its time to forgive her and then just go from there. I am trying to put my energy into that now. Forgive the Weaker person, the one that gave up on the marriage, the one that didnt truly have the vision for the future and just wanted her pain to end now.

BE the better person ISlander. Lets get there together since we
have shared so much in our sitch's . LEts strive to be the ones that can NEVER be accused of being selfish AGAIN.

9