what update?? I'm waiting with baited breath, and I have a connecting flight!!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
what update?? I'm waiting with baited breath, and I have a connecting flight!!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I called my SS this evening to see how he did in school. He asked me if I would take him to get a video game that he has been wanting. I agreed to go pick him up and take him.
I arrived at W's house. I hugged her and I could sense distance. She said to me, 'space... I need space'. I said, 'sorry.'
SS went out to the car. W walked me to the door. I again apologized. She said:
"Denver, I need space right now. I am not ready to be married to you or even be dating you. I don't want to date anyone right now."
I said, "I know. I'm sorry. I just want you to know that I want to be with you. To hang out with you."
W said, "I know that you do. I feel like you want to be with me 24/7. I feel smothered"
I said, "okay. I understand." I then said goodbye and took SS to the video game store.
Afterwards, I took SS home. I stayed in the car while SS walked inside. I did not get out to see or talk to W.
I had to drive back to my office bc I had left some work there.
While driving there, SS called. There was something wrong with the video game. I told SS that we'd have to take it back later bc I was already 20 minutes from the house.
A few minutes later W called. She asked me where I was going and I explained. She asked me if SS had receipt to take video game back and I told her that he should have it. She said that she would take him back to the game shop to return the game.
Then W said: "I hope that you understand what I was saying earlier. I wasn't trying to be a b!tch"
I just listened and did not respond.
W continued: "I feel like I've told you a couple of times but you don't understand."
me: "I understand. I do now."
W: "I just need time. I just need time. I feel like I haven't been enjoying the time that we spend together bc I've felt obligated lately. I feel pressured. And the more that you pressure me the farther I push away."
Me: "I understand that completely. I do. I would rather not be around if it is like that."
W: "I have so much going on. So many decisions that need to be made immediately. Where SS and I are going to live. Where SS is going to go to school. I just haven't been able to think about what I want. I need to figure out what I want for my life."
Me: "Okay. I will just do my own thing then."
W: "Is that all that you have to say about it?"
Me: "What else is there to say? It is what it is. I'm not mad. I'm hurt, but I'm not mad."
W: "I know that you want to work things out. I know that you want SS and I to move back home. I'm just not ready. I feel like I've tried to work on things at times. But the timing just isn't right. I don't want to move back in when I feel like this."
Me: "Okay. I understand. We have the U2 concert next weekend. Shall I find someone else to go with me?"
W: "I don't know. Let's talk about it next week."
Me: "Okay"
Silence
W: "Okay. I guess that I will talk to you later."
Me: "Okay. Goodbye."
W: "Bye."
------------
This is feeling more and more like the end. I have 2 choices now... well, the reality is that I've probably had these same 2 choices for a couple of weeks. 1) Let go and wait. 2) Let go completely and move on with my life.
Option 1 means that I will just have to accept that W is figuring out her life and what she thinks will make her happy. It may mean that she goes back to OM until that is resolved for her. I don't know if I can live with that or forgive her again.
Option 2 means that my M is over and that I have to accept the changes that are in store for my life without my W and SS.
I don't know what to do. I'm lost.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Also... feel free to lay the 2x4s on me if you like. I have already done that to myself though. Like Jack pointed out, I know enough about this stuff after 5+ months to know that words and to even give the advice. So I am able to see the mistakes that I have made over the past 2 weeks.
With that said, I'm pretty sure that my sitch was going to backslide either way.
I guess that it really doesn't matter at this point.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
what update?? I'm waiting with baited breath, and I have a connecting flight!!
Sorry 25. It took me a little while to post my fantastic update...
Thanks for reading it.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Denver, you forgot about option 3, give your W space and LIVE.
Look, I know that you have had hesitations about backing off, because it would feel like the 'same old Denver.'. The one that didn't give your W enough attention to begin with.
BUT, now she is asking for it. Giving her space now isn't same old same old. It's the new Denver. The one who listens and respects what his W says and wants.
This doesn't mean 'wait.'. It means giving her the time she needs, and frankly, given your recent state of mind, the time you desperately need as well.
USE the time.
Work on you. Get yourself happy. Find yourself again. The confident, smart and caring guy we all know you are.
At the same time, your W gets to work on herself.
I told you before, you're lucky, your W TELLS you what she wants. Most of us our out here guessing.
Really man, go back and read your posts from when your W first started to come around. Remember that guy? Find him. He's waiting to be unleashed.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Of course, you know the difference between option 1 and option 2...
The similarity is... either way... you need to drop the rope. A conclusion you probably need to start integrating into your mindset.
Of the differences, that will be up to you to decide. The truth is you are IN option 1. Have been for quite some time. If or when you decide option 2 is up to you.
Denver, you forgot about option 3, give your W space and LIVE.
Look, I know that you have had hesitations about backing off, because it would feel like the 'same old Denver.'. The one that didn't give your W enough attention to begin with.
BUT, now she is asking for it. Giving her space now isn't same old same old. It's the new Denver. The one who listens and respects what his W says and wants.
This doesn't mean 'wait.'. It means giving her the time she needs, and frankly, given your recent state of mind, the time you desperately need as well.
USE the time.
Work on you. Get yourself happy. Find yourself again. The confident, smart and caring guy we all know you are.
At the same time, your W gets to work on herself.
I told you before, you're lucky, your W TELLS you what she wants. Most of us our out here guessing.
Really man, go back and read your posts from when your W first started to come around. Remember that guy? Find him. He's waiting to be unleashed.
thanks Country. This is what everyone is telling me... has been telling me. My FEAR... that I have to admit... is that the vacuum in my W's life that I create by doing what she needs me to do will be filled by OM...
If I were on the outside looking in, I would say to myself "Denver, you cannot control that IF it happens... and by not giving W what she is asking for, you are actually increasing the odds that OM will fill that vacuum"
BUT... I'm not on the outside. The fear is real and it is consuming. It is what is blocking my path to doing what I KNOW that I need to do. It has been for weeks.
Subconsciously, I think that I am trying to fill as much of my W's time with ME... bc that reduces the amount of time that she COULD be talking to OM or seeing OM... even though I KNOW that this is a ridiculous plan.
Like I said in my update, I am lost right now.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I'm not buying it, sorry. You've been pressuring her? By going to her brother's wedding rehearsal dinner because she asked you to go there? By going to her brother's wedding, where again, she said she wanted you there and even dictated the way you should act while you were there? Or maybe you smothered her by being nice to her on mother's day? Or, tonight, taking SS to the video store to get him what he was probably begging her for. Nope. You are just being used, and then cast off. Nothing more.
Time to get a life. Big time. If she decides somewhere down the road, when the guy on the white horse figures out that SS is too much baggage and rides off, that you were the best thing that ever happened to her. Well, she may be in for a disappointment. But that is not your problem.
