Another thing struck me in your sitch I SO relate to. Maybe it'll help you too. My h is an MD and would often work extra cases and not come home "early" (meaning before the kids were asleep. He NEVER had normal or good hours, but they were either bad or terrible). ANYHOW, sometimes he had to do extra cases and sometimes he chose them for career reasons and later, for money. I was hurt and angered by those choices. I felt he was putting work/money ahead of family time and frankly, I wanted some family and couple time.
So, naturally, I "welcomed" him home with my arms crossed, figuratively and literally and an angry face. I didn't think he deserved a warm welcome home. I also worried that if I cut him slack on that, he'd do it even more or somehow I'd be treated worse.
BRILLIANTLY, I kept this approach up, even after years of no change, which should have proved my approach was failing...but did I try a different way? NOOOO b/c you see, I was "right" to be angry...get it??? Took me the DB/DR books to finally awaken to the idea that maybe, just maybe, if I provided a loving warm home for h, he'd LIKE IT MORE...
Guess what? He did! It's a small example but it's a great one for ME to recall b/c I'm supposedly smart and open minded and blah blah blah. I have spent way too much time being angry at him and wanting him to change and not seeing the changes I wanted...until the light bulb went off and I realized I would not want to come home to ME if I were my h. I mean, no wonder....
Live and learn. And I thank DB for that. So I tell myself even now sometimes, "25, do you want to be right, or happy?" I choose happy and I think happy IS right.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
