W attempted to call me twice at work today and both times i was legitimately away from my desk but saw her called ID. I did not call her back as I didn't want to deal with anything at work, but figured that it couldn't be any bad news cause i know her, or thought i knew her and anything negative would be done privately.
W called my cell shortly after work was over, i was just getting back into my apt after taking the dog out. She was excited and wanted to tell me that her brother had his baby. I congratulated her on becoming an aunt for a second time and expressed my best wishes to her brother and his wife. She said she tried to call me at work to tell me and since her brother did play on my soccer team she thought i should know. I was kinda hurt by that, i considered her brother my family for a while, and not just a guy who i played sports with. She said she had to go because she was picking up her other SIL to go see the baby. I congratulated her again, wished her an awesome time with her new niece and said bye. I was sincerely happy for them, for her, to hear the excitement in her voice.
I then had a breakdown, I went to my bed, cuddled with my dog and cried like a baby. I wanted to be there with her, i wanted to share the excitement, i wanted this over, and i wanted to be back together, in a healthier stronger R. I miss her sooo much. Why am i being soo selfish? why is this still soo hard after 4 months, that i still cry and am pathetic.
I started to read DR after my breakdown, just finished up to Chapter 3. Baby steps.. having her call me to inform me of the news should be a great sign... she thought enough to call, even if the conversation was 1 min long and she used the excuse that we played sports together..
How I long for this to be over, to be a couple again.. patience is what i need, wait and ride it out is the best i can do right now.
