So, if you are going to argue things, why not focus on the cc debt and NOT the son? Just saying it looks lousy, and will be remembered forever, and frankly, I think the son's costs are a lot less than the other debts that are mounting.
I agree with that, 25. Despite my wife having primary care of our son right now, I can tell you for sure that she does not significantly spend more than I do on transportation (it's closer to 50:50). As I mentioned, it's just the principle, the way my wife is asking me to pay for things. I guess I never imagined that my wife -- the one who begged me to be communicative -- is behaving like the Alamo of yesteryear.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
I don't recall if your w is in her residency now or still in med school. Either way, her school loans are huge and climbing. I pray all those debts are in HER name.
Yes, they're in her name. And she's currently on rotations, and one year away from residency.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
So, how'd you guys get through that time with her in school and you not working? (BTW, NO MED STUDENT HOLDS DOWN MORE THAN A PART TIME JOB...I'm not sure if you meant to imply that she was a slacker for only working part time while in school, but med school is incredibly time consuming. She's no slacker.)
My wife had part-time jobs during her pre-med program in college. I had just moved here from Malaysia and had a hard time finding work in the small college town we were. When we moved here to CA in 2007, I have had 3 jobs including the current one. So there were two 6-7 month periods when I was unemployed. We made it with savings, CC and some of her loans (we made it a point not to max out on her loans each semester). The latter unemployment period was also supplemented with federal unemployment income. Till this day I still think (and agree with you) that being a med-student, and the spouse of a med-student is one of the hardest of life's challenges. My wife has and continues to work her butt off to fulfill her dream, which brings me to...
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Is she going out of state for her residency? Again, I am guessing at the stage of training she's in. Make sure you get a clause saying you want the son close by.
...I mentioned this a long time back -- Due to my wife's DO certification, she will LIKELY be moving out of state (mid-West or East Coast) this time next year. I could be legally keep her in CA, but with her wanting to be a doctor since she was a child and working her butt off, that could severely hinder/kill her chances of that, as well as any chances of us reconciling. She will hang this over my head for the rest our lives, and tell our son how I shut her carrier down every step of the way. The reason why I say this is I know how my wife holds grudges. She said the same thing about her parents and her family, and I see no reason (I see it in the way she talk to me or about me) to believe this is not the case now.
I told her awhile back that I will move to wherever she ends up, for our son.
It's just unfortunate that after all we've gone through together in this especially hard journey to where she is today (I increasingly took charge of many things at home whether I had work or not; she was below average in college due to late-diagnosed ADHD, so I frequently helped her study, write notes, draw; etc), she still tells me and everyone else that she was the only one who worked on our relationship, and laughs at any hand I had in helping her get through the hardest portions of getting in and being in med-school. I was a successful enough production engineer before I came to the States, and I moved to a small college town where she grew up(I asked her to move to other locations where I could find work and where she could still pursue her studies, but she refused) and couldn't find work aside from being a part-time waiter (I would work at Applebees or Sizzlers, but hey, I was not a permanent resident yet, so I worked under the radar at an Asian buffet), and when we moved to CA, she wanted to be close to her school in North Bay, whereas I told her that maybe we should look for a place someone in the middle, because the best chances of me finding work in my line of expertise was in South Bay, but nope, she refused. So the jobs I took up were and still are out of my norm (though I've been blessed to have excelled in this new direction).
And check this out, even with the possible divorce, I still will be moving out to where she is. I have to quit my awesome job now and find another one. Again. It feels like I'm still giving things up for her sake, and if another man comes along, he's just be basically riding my coattails. All because of my porn and lying.
Sorry, but thank you for letting me vent.
I appreciate you for continuously checking up on me, 25.
