Thanks punkin, I am sure you are right. He is a sappy self pitying drunk, and a mean sober person. None of that matters, he was just checking to make sure I am unhappy and not moving on. I am glad I didnt show it in my text that I AM beating myself up.
I am trying to learn, how not to do that. Alanon is helping. But I cant help but to feel like I am to blame. I punished him, I begged him, I nagged him, I lost my temper with him. All the things I wasnt supposed to do.... but I cant change how I felt inside or the past events that occured.
Alanon explains that these are normal reactions from a loved one towards a drunk. They explain, they only make it worse. I am just confused as to how to let him continue his ways and still be happy and loving at the same time.
While he was still here,I tried doing just that-for a few weeks, and I felt I got even angrier. H would even text me while at the bar: "I am so happy that you love me unconditionally". So, I can tell the alanon way worked for keeping the peace, but it didnt work for making me any happier. (And that was something I tried doing before I even found alanon, as I was doing the LOVE DARE -a book on strengthening M). None of it had worked for me, It only made him feel like he could do what ever he wanted and would always have his loving caring wife to come home to.UUUUHHHHHGGGG!!!
Very frustrated, TIPPER P.S. sorry to high jack this thread, I have another one(H just left again) I will try to stay on for my topic - As I would still love to hear what others have to say about ROCK BOTTOM.
