Andabelle,
I actually am beating myself up over this. We had 2 great years of piecing, and then this last year he stated up with MLC behaviors again, and I started to freak out. I nagged him not to go to the bars so much, I got angry when he still did. I blew up at him about 3-4 times in which every time he threatened if I blew up again, that he would leave. Then I did it again... And he left. I cant help but feel like this is my fault.

I have read a lot of literature from alanon and A.A. (the big book), and they have sections in there that are directed at the wives of an alcoholic. They suggest being kind and compassionate and lovingly distant and to focus only on you. They say to remind yourself when your angry that the person is SICK with an illness, a disease they can not control.

I am finding that a lot of the a.a./alanon literature is VERY similar to what they/DBing says about a person in MLC, and how to react to them is also similar.

I did the opposite. I nagged and complained that we didnt spend quality time together and that I do everything around the house. I got EXTREMELY ANGRY with him on a few occasions. I did every thing wrong, I could sense it as it was happening.So then I would let him go do his thing for a few weeks while I unconditionally sat back alone and loved him from afar. After a few weeks of biting my lip, i wouldnt be able to take it anymore,and boom -another arguement. I feel I pressured him to go drink even more. I am to blame. I tried to change him and control him, to get what I wanted out of life. It did not work. The things I said in anger were like murderous weapons to our M.

I need to learn how to control my emotions, and to still not be a doormat at the same time. I know he wants to just be friends now (his words). I dont even know how I am going to do that with all this anger/pain i hold inside.

I am starting to think my H is just a huge alcoholic and maybe not even in a MLC. Or maybe the two are going hand in hand. I was denying for a long time that he was an alcoholic. But all the actions of an alcoholic are very similar to a person in MLC: the OW, the bars, the running, the anger, the depression, the guilt, the loss of old friends, the damaged careers, and the turning the blame onto others. Its just so similar. I am so confused. I have no idea right now how to handle our M sitch. I can hardly see him or get a text from him without shaking and feeling angry and like I want to explode. HELP!!!
TIPPER