I was honest with myself today and did a synopsis of where I am today: My wife left me 1 1/2 years ago. Almost 1 year ago told me she was never coming home. She is now dating OM and also involved with her boss and has admittted to having sex with him and going on vacation with him. Do I need a truck to run me over to get it? At times, her words and even some actions to me are confusing, but none of what I just said is. She is gone and has chosen a new life.
It's time for me to admit it and move forward. After 6 years here, I have finally reached a point of reluctant acceptance. I have done literally everything I can to save my family, and now I need to save me.
I am sure I will have moments of weakness where I still want to contact her, so I am making a promise to myself and to all other D'bers. I will not contact at all until her b'day on June 23rd and even then I will simply call to wish her a good birthday and wish her well. After that, right back to dark.
It's time to save BTM and forgive and forget about STBX. God, give me strength.
BTM,
I applaud the courage and acceptance of your decision. "Letting them go" (and, if so inclined as I am, "giving them over to God") does NOT mean "giving up." It means you love them unconditionally enough to truly want them to be happy, and to realize that you can't (and shouldn't) control them, and they have free will, and you have to work on YOURSELF now.
On the bolded part above, you may want to consider an "accountability partner" for those moments when you're feeling weak and wanting to break NC. It's worked really well for others, and had a DRAMATIC, life-altering turnaround for another poster here recently who chose one.
Just a thought. Again, best of luck to you as you walk down the path of your life. Who knows, your wife just may join you again somewhere down the path, either before or even after a divorce. It does happen, and more often than you think. But for right now, this is her journey, and it's time to live yours.
