Journaling...and trying to get my post count up so I can graduate from "moderated posts" status...
Came home last night around 8:30 after playing mandolin with my good friend's praise band at his church. W was in her home office, door closed, Skyping w/ her younger sister (I could hear and recognize her voice). Checked my e-mail and went directly to my bedroom for more reading (DR). Resisted the urge to tiptoe downstairs and try to hear their conversation; what good would it do me, anyway? And...I had a mental picture of me sneaking around like some pathetic child trying to hear something he shouldn't. Not attractive at all.
Had a decent morning with W. We sat at the kitchen table, had coffee and talked about work, house projects and schedules. She then dropped me off to pick up my bike while on her way to work. Again, pleasant and benign conversation. Resisted more urges to talk about our sitch or R. As we rode in her car, I looked over at her and thought to myself, "She looks like the woman I married, she sounds like the woman I married but she is no longer the woman I married." And at that very moment, I realized that even if we D, I'd be OK. Probably better than OK.
Of course, tonight I may end up crying into my pillow, but for now I've got some peace of mind.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
