Been reading your posts, and I can truly understand what you're feeling regarding the complete disbelief that your W/best friend/lover has become some stranger whom you no longer recognize. I really liked this description from one of your earlier posts:
"As others have said, it's almost like losing your loved one to a disease that reanimates their body."
It's tempting-so very tempting-to check her FB status and maybe snoop around other areas just to try to get a read on what she is thinking. But that is a lose-lose situation. I did that for about 4 weeks after my W dropped the "never really loved you" bomb and everything I discovered about her EA and her general state of mind brought unbelievable pain, and did absolutely nothing to help.
Your W is farther down the D road than mine, but as I said, I understand what you're going through. All of the advice you've read regarding GAL and detaching is spot on. Because really, what else can you/we do? We can't change how they think, how they act or how they look at us. They will do whatever they feel like doing because they are the centers of their own worlds now. Only their happiness matters to them, and to hell with everything and everyone else. Marriage vows? Promises? Commitment? Bah; means nothing. 1 week before my W bombed me me she left several cards around the house for me to find; they said "Love You Forever"; "I Love Being Your Wife"; "You Are My One and Only". At the same time she's having a hot & heavy EA with an old high school friend.
All we can do is keep ourselves, healthy, reasonably happy and sane. Everything else will fall where it falls.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
