I realize now (as always - too late) that I simply can't have any contact with STBX. Any contact sends me in a tailspin for days. I don't know if she's confused, in MLC, playing me or God knows what, but I have no choice at this point, but to do the only thing left to do. LRT huge. It is the one and only thing that I have not done consistently for more than 10 days. I have said I would do it before, but now I need to drop the rope, go dark, LRT, whatever term you want to use, more than every. I am not even living my life. I am just going through the motions and hoping.
I was honest with myself today and did a synopsis of where I am today: My wife left me 1 1/2 years ago. Almost 1 year ago told me she was never coming home. She is now dating OM and also involved with her boss and has admittted to having sex with him and going on vacation with him. Do I need a truck to run me over to get it? At times, her words and even some actions to me are confusing, but none of what I just said is. She is gone and has chosen a new life.
It's time for me to admit it and move forward. After 6 years here, I have finally reached a point of reluctant acceptance. I have done literally everything I can to save my family, and now I need to save me.
I am sure I will have moments of weakness where I still want to contact her, so I am making a promise to myself and to all other D'bers. I will not contact at all until her b'day on June 23rd and even then I will simply call to wish her a good birthday and wish her well. After that, right back to dark.
It's time to save BTM and forgive and forget about STBX. God, give me strength.
