85 Days

[Denver_2010]

Don't underestimate what a bag of trouble that kid can be.

Oh I am well aware 25. I don't know if you know this, but I am an attorney also. Criminal defense as a matter of fact. So when SS says stuff like that about W, I do worry about it. But I also know that there is plenty of evidence of him making stuff up. Plenty. Anyway, I hate talking about SS this way. I love him a lot. But he does complicate my situation quite a bit.

My sister is a widow and on her h's deathbed (brain tumor at age 42), her ss14 became so irate and crazy unreasonable, (oppositional defiance and "borderline personality disorder" are words that now terrify me) that the STATE found my BIL to be neglectful (you had to be a L, which I am, to figure out that his incapacity while dying, fit the criteria for child in need of more supervision. My sister was, like you, a step parent with few rights. It turned a tragic situation into an utter nightmare.

I had to go to court for my sister and bil, (who was in hospice by then) to make sure my sister wasn't labelled as abusive or neglectful. This was now about 3 days before he died. When I was there, and saw how my nephew acted WHILE HIS OWN FATHER LAY DYING, all I can say is I have never wanted to hit a boy More in my life)...

My h and I were asked if we'd take him in but we have a younger d, and nephew is weird and has lit fires...NIGHTMARE...he freaked me out so much, that we said "no. Have to put our children first" but that is how much I feared that boy. Don't poo poo this. [/quote]

Not poo pooing it. SS's behavioral issues are a reality that I deal with. My W claims that I was never involved enough. Maybe I wasn't in some ways, but I have always helped her deal with how his issues affect his schooling and with the discipline around the home. I have always told her that we need to take control of the situation now and make him realize that there are consequences for his actions... that otherwise, he will be an absolute nightmare to deal with when he is a teenager. I still believe that, but W will not listen to me.

We have had him in counseling. I am in favor of all 3 of us going to family counseling. BUT, until their is an 'us' (W and I) we cannot begin to fix the other dynamics of the family R.

Your w is in for a really hard time and losing the male figure in the house was a stupid mistake. But I can see how badly she wanted to escape her life, and you guys did have issues, AND it's too tough for any mother to admit that her own kid drives her nuts. Better to blame Denver than her own child...

ouch

Yup. W is stubborn. She thinks that she can handle it and everything else on her own. Yet, when she can't, she comes to me or her mother for help. Her mom gets appreciated, but I get blamed.

Losing the male figure of the house will be a terrible, terrible mistake on her part. This is one huge reason that her family is pressuring her to reconcile and move back into our home.

Denver