New - HELP! Tried the 180/Last Resort & Failed

[AloneAt35]

Journaling:

Tonight I started walking around the house with an eye towards organizing and sorting for the move. I haven't heard from my ex-partner in five days. He's supposed to be moving out in less than two weeks based on when he closes on his new house/McMansion. I noticed he packed two boxes half full of computer junk and left them in our bedroom. Everything else remains untouched. When does he plan to pack the rest of his stuff? When do we plan to divide the nitty gritty?

I have a feeling that he will wait till I go to my sister's next weekend and take all of his stuff then. I suspect I will come back to a half-empty house needing to be sold and in a disarray, with a pile of bills that can't be paid though his income is literally 10x mine. He can't seem to face me, or even speak to me on the phone to deal with the logistics of separating our lives after nearly 20 years. Sometimes I think that the OW is a way *NOT* to focus on the life he is tearing apart. All of his energy can stay on the fantasy he is building with her.

This is so painful. I was walking around the house saying to myself, "Is this how twenty years is supposed to end? Where is God to step in and show mercy. When will God reach down and intervene? Where is the man who I thought was my best friend and devoted partner??" Two months ago, I thought my life was close to perfect, now it is torn apart.

What do I do? Do I start packing his things? Do I call him to ask him when he intends to gather his belongings? I want to have some say in what "community property" he gets to take and what gets to stay, but to initiate contact violates my oath to the Last Resort Technique???? Does anyone have any insight? I'm happy to stay in limbo-land for a bit longer if it meant he was having second thoughts, but I don't think it does. I think it means that he just can't be bothered to find time to contact me. Coming home in the middle of the night or when I am not home to get things is his M.O., but I feel I need to have some say over the dividing of possessions. Some days it still doesn't seem real that he is leaving and it makes it even more difficult for me to get out of this daze that I am in. There is still a pile of his dirty underwear in the corner of our bedroom...do I wash it and pack it in a box with the rest of his clothes? This would show that I am moving on with my life, but at the same time, it closes a door that I want to leave open. If I wash it and put it away in his dresser drawer, then I appear to be in denial. What do I do with this pile of underwear? It has become symbolic: he is with another woman and he has left me with his dirty underwear.

This morning I woke up with the most bizarre and terrifying feeling - like he had actually died. He has abandoned me in every way possible: there is no contact (he's virtually disappeared), no warmth, no friendship, no interest in meeting his financial commitment to our mutual bills, no interest in my well-being whatsoever. Its like he wants to erase the last 19 1/2 years from his memory.

What does he think he is doing? This is not the man I've known since childhood. How can another woman stand in the way of basic decency to a fellow human being? I'm not trying to interfere in their relationship and I don't put any pressure on him, yet he can't seem to face me even to discuss logistics?

How does the LRT say to deal with this division of property? Do I make contact?