Digging Through Old Email

[AntoniaB]

Yes, they should win academy awards. My XH told me on the way out the door that he was always the greatest actor who ever lived. That he had NEVER really shown who he really was UNTIL THAT MOMENT. I don't believe it. I think he just found a new role to play that he had never played before. But these people really lack a sense of identity at their core. I think I had one and lost it in him and the marriage--now I've got it back, stronger than ever. But him? Your wife? Not right now.

They have extraordinary problems with following through. Hence my XH bolts but then takes 5 months to bother filling out 2 pages to file for divorce. Claims he's "getting around to it."

Here we are at a year nearly and only yesterday did he FINALLY contact DMV to ask how to get one another's names off our car titles. I mean, the man no longer has a home or giant yard to care for, no worries other than showing up 40 hours a week for work, but it took nearly a year to call DMV? And he signed a separation agreement awarding me possession of my car and he his last August.

These people expect us to do the dirty work, the minutiae of actually making a divorce happen and two lives and possessions separate. It's probably part depression, part laziness, part forgetfulness and the fog, coupled with the distraction, any time they have to do something that might remind them of what they have done, of finding refuge in the OW/OM who takes their mind off reality.

I think it must be enormously tough to have that level of depression and pull off the "I'm so happy" act but I've seen my XH do it to an amazing degree when he'd go from crying and angry and verbally abusive rants to the next day taking me on a date that any woman would be thrilled to be on.

I think it was only when I was able to see through the act and I started calling him on it that he bailed on me. Now the OW will probably take years to see through his act.