my h and son gave me necklace

[MrBond]

First off, stop with the negative self-talk. It can't be that hard to find a therapist. Or go to a church to find someone. Even if they aren't your denomination. Just get help.

Rysmom it's been 4 years and you're in the same spot since the beginning. Learn about forgiveness and letting go. It's hard, but geez you have to start SOMETIME! Only you can get yourself motivated to heal.

If you want to stay depressed, scared, condemning, angry, then keep talking yourself out of healing.

My advice to you would be to STOP PRAYING FOR YOUR H TO COME BACK! Pray for your salvation and that you get well. Stop thinking about him and his bond with the OW. Concentrate on YOU. NOTHING WILL HAPPEN UNTIL YOU DO THAT. ALSO PRAY FOR YOUR SON. And stop complaining to God about how your H is an SOB for having OW and listening to heavy metal.

Save YOURSELF.