Tryin to do what works

[NEmoose43]

Trying so hard not to get my hopes up today, but man has this been a great morning so far.

Overslept and missed the yoga class I wanted to go to, but turned on my phone and had a text from W asking how class was. Told her I slept through my alarm and was a little upset about it. She asked me if I wanted to come have lunch with her before work instead, and I said sure.

Picked W up at work and went to a nearby mall. We walked around for a while and window shopped, and the little comments about future plans are continuing to come out of her mouth. In each of these cases I decided to keep things light and joke about what she said (even though my heart was doing backflips). Looking at grill accessories in Williams-Sonoma, W said "We really need to buy a decent grill this summer." And I answered with "Yeah, Geroge Foreman just ain't cutting it anymore." In Restoration Hardware, we were looking at dining room tables and double sinks and W said she'd love to have one so we wouldn't have to stand on top of each other while we're brushing our teeth. I just said it would be nice not to have to time when one of us was going to spit in the sink...we've actually bumped heads several times doing this. What can I say...it's a small bathroom.

Anyway, had a great lunch together, just being friendly and flirting with each other a bit. As we were walking back to the car, I looked over and saw W looking at me and smiling. I grinned at her and asked her what she was so happy about.

W- Nothing Moose, just smiling at you.

M- Feelin a little less stressed without the schoolwork?

W- Absolutely...I'm feeling ok again. About us too. How are you?

M- I'm fine (I was still grinning at this point). Just took me a while to learn this patience thing.

W- Well I'm glad you did. Just give me some time Moose, I'm working on it.

I put my arm around her and she leaned her head on my shoulder.

Driving back, talked a bit about weekend plans but didn't ask her to do anything. At one point, W reached over and rubbed the back of my neck and then my head (I shave my head and it's kinda fuzzy today). This kind of physical stuff has been missing for about a month and a half now, and I'm realizing how much I missed it. She held my hand for a bit when we got back to her office, and that was it.

Anyway, great morning. She's SAYING all the right stuff at least, and now that I've been able to calm the F down and not bring up the R every five seconds it seems like those little positives we had a few weeks back are starting to reappear. I know I can't read too much into stuff like this and I have to prepare myself for a possible negative swing back in the other direction...but man is it hard not to.

I've decided that I need to continue to just be myself and act "as if" as much as I can, especially when we're together. I took Time2Try's suggestion about my journal and actually looked back at where my mental state was back in March...man have I gotten my stuff together since then. This positive, fun, happy Moose is a BIG 180 and I didn't even think about it until today. W has mentioned that I had become so cynical and pessimistic that I was no fun to be around. I need to concentrate on being the fun, easy-going guy that she fell in love with, not the big moping jackass that was constantly trying to analyze every word and action that I saw from her.

Consider that corner turned folks, I'm back on track. I know that there may be moments coming up where I'm sad and disappointed, but hopefully I can remind myself of what I'm thinking right now.