Wife of 6-years is Divorcing Me ...Need Counsel II

[25yearsmlc]

M: Hello?
W: Just like you to not answer your phone.

Excuse me, I thought I answered the phone, that was how we're speaking.

M: Hello? Can you say that again?
W: You don't pick up your phone, just like you typically do.


Can we restructure this conversation so I don't have to begin it feeling defensive and attacked?

M: I was talking to other people on the phone.

Uggggg so rude and disrespectful. I think I would tell her I don't appreciate being spoken to in such a disrespectful manner.

I'd warn her, then get off the phone. There's no way a conversation that starts like this, is going to be productive. Heck, maybe tell her that.

There's no such thing as a "grand apology" in the sense that one letter can ever address enough of the pain that was caused, to think one letter would do. I still support an apology letter (or a few) if they are specific about what they are addressing, but it has to be brief and from the heart. IT can't be a "catch all" apology letter, if you know what I mean.

I don't think it can hurt, if it's a focussed letter but if it takes all the heat for everything and that isn't truly justified, then it ends up just validating too much of their version. Saying "If I could do things over, I'd do a lot of things differently" always helps b/c you want them to know you are different now, and so, 2nd marriage would be differernt too.

With the porn thing, that's a good specific thing to own up to, and you know it hurt the m and her feelings/ego as a desirable woman, etc. I think a short to the point but from the heart letter, reassuring her it had nothing to do with her, and that you are glad to be free of that but you concede it hurt her and for that, you are very sorry, etc. would be a good thing.

Expect nothing in return of course. This will not change her mind. Best case scenario is that over time as she sees your changes and as you cement them and make sure they are real for you, that letter might be a brick that goes into the relationship you two rebuild. She'll know that at least THAT issue isn't going to haunt your new R...

Good luck