New here....Major Vent

[Young at Heart]

First congratulations on finding and getting MWD and her book on SSM. You sound like a prime candidate.

Second, you are about to embark on one hell of a journey of self discovery about you, your wife and relationships.

If you are committed to saving your marriage and you are lucky enough to find that your wife wants to change and stay married to you, you will be able to pull through this and look back on it as a bump in the road to life. Until then it will try your soul.

Everything you have said sounds familiar. The good news is that you have reached your limits and want things to change and have taken a step in trying to figure out what is going on. Once you understand what MWD is saying in her book, you will know that changing yourself, accepting your portion of responsibility for your current marital situation, forgiving your wife, showing her love, may (if you are lucky) work miracles in your relationship.

I too was in an SSM, with a roommate and not a wife. For a long time my wife's idea of affection was nothing more than what a sister might do with a brother..... peck on the cheak or touch on the arm.

Besides MWD's book SSM, the following books helped me understand what was going on in my marriage:

• MWD's SSM
• Chapman's the Five Languages of Love
• Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy
• Sue Johnson's Hold Me Tight
• John Gottman's The Seven Principals for Making Marriage Work
• Kliger & Nedelman's Still Sexy after All these Years

Take the time to really learn what each book is trying to teach you. Ask questions about the books. Read on this forum about what others have gone through and see if you can't find someone else who has had a very similar situation and what helped them.

Posting is good therapy. Feel free to rant and ask specific questions.

You are not alone. There are lots of folks who have been in similar situations.

Congratualtions on your courage to seek help and make changes.

I wish you and your family the best of luck