Mission 25. I Really Mean it this time>

[ninelives]

i do appreciate the support but am so disappointed in myself. Especially for Sandi who i so want to show that I can be grown up about this and follow her great advice. I really want to and make efforts to and then things get away from me and then my cycle continues, I lament, swear I will change my behaviour and then do something stupid and wonder why Im in this state. Thats why I wonder if Im cut for Dbing or just one of the more stupid ones out there. Hows that working for me? Not well.

When my w says things like why dont you get a nice girl that is worthy of your saintly behaviour, she called herself a sinner. I told her that we are all sinners and make mistakes and that I dont want to punish you anymore. She said that is what I was all about and I said, Yes thats what I WAS all about. Im just trying to live my life is what i said to her.

And then she wonders why I stop at the hospital like im picking up some phsio girl. Why does that enter her mind?

What else is there to say now really?

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