Of Men or of Angels

[ericmsant2]

Bro

A wise friend pointed out that I set a boundary I knew she was incapable of making...
So....I picked a fight in way.

This is what I saw yesterday when I first read your post. In short you…..

All you did was push her buttons. You know which ones to push to get Response A or Response B.

....Did this ^^^^

I guess my question to you would be WHY? Don’t answer me….just think about it.

It went horribly.

I suspect you knew it WOULD….I wonder though, if deep down inside YOU WANTED it to go horrible. IF indeed you did, then WHY? Did you need to see her in all of her MLC glory to HELP YOU decide what YOU want to do with YOUR life? Did you need to see it to help you say to yourself YOUR DONE? IF so, why?

She apologizes.

AND why could you NOT accept it? Maybe ya didn't want to.

I knew it was going to happen.

Did you go….EXPECTING IT TO HAPPEN and therefore, went in ready for a brawl?

On the way over I said to myself if she is late I am drawing a boundary. She is ALWAYS late to everything and I consider it disrespectful.

Why draw this boundary? I mean really being late is disrespectful? Honestly?

"What? F@ck you! I'm leaving you're not getting this diploma! You think I drove here to bring this to you and to be talked to like that?"

Do you think maybe she had a little bit of a point? I am not defending her…simply looking at it from an outsiders perspective.

You haven't changed!
You are an angry person!
I hope you find someone who will put up with your sh!t
I don't let anyone speak to me like that!

WOULD SHE have responded this way had YOU not made…rather drawn, the late boundary?

Me:"I am sorry you feel that way."

At this point, I would have STFU…I mean really…what did you think would happen by continuing on with any conversation?

I got my diploma as she gave me a good dressing down in the parking lot

Piss off a lion and it responds….touch a hot stove and ya get burned. Sometime I think we want to get burned. It helps to remind us just how f'd up our spouse are. What I have come to realize is the real reason we still do it. I know why I have done it in the past. Do you know why you touched the stove?

We had another hour on the phone after that,

Why engage in an hour convo? Once again, did you need to hear and see it? Did you need this to help you be done?

She said I reacted by setting boundaries and controlling her.

IF you know that she is always LATE…and SHE KNOWS you KNOW….WHY set the boundary?

"You didn't stick by me then. Being married is for good times and for bad and you abandoned me."

"I only did that because I had no choice. You had emotionally left our M."

She wasn't in crisis I made her do it.

Still thinks I’m the a$$hole. I abandoned her. I am to blame for her seeking out emotional affair with OM.

This is HER PERCEPTION RIGHT NOW! And maybe forever…ya just don’t know. Either way, the only way you MAY ever be able to change HER PERCEPTION is by YOUR actions NOT BY…..

"Good times and bad huh? And having relationship with other men is sticking by your vows?"

"why was that do you think?"

This ^^^^^ - It was almost like (and I have done the same)...we stand on our soap box and TELL them everything THEY did was wrong. When they tell us...we say we changed. Think about it...

I said how can I control your choices when I am out of town and you decide to go to a bar at 5 a.m. and then get arrested? How am I supposed to feel about that?

Think about this for a sec….WHY continue to REMIND her of HER ACTIONS? Why? Turn it around for a second….is it okay that she continues to remind YOU of YOUR past actions?

For the record I think that sometime things NEED to be said…but IMO, they should be said when EMOTIONS are not so high. They should be said….for the person SAYING them….NOT with a hope or expectation that the other person will be able to SEE it. You know this bud. I know you do.

She just doesn’t see her part in all this. Doesn’t think that an emotional affair IS an affair. I caused everything.

And she may never….doesn’t matter right now though…does it?

She is just Nucking Futs right now.

Yep…and maybe for a long long time….either way…you know the drill….it should not change how you live YOUR life OR HOW YOU REACT and/or RESPOND TO HER.

”I love you but I am not in love with you anymore. I have no passion for our M.”

Her Anger speaking and MLC craziness speaking…at least IMO. WHY?

The last thing she said: "truce. You can call me whenever you want."

Cause she said this ^^^^ if she really hated you’re a**, really wanted nothing to do with you….then why would you say this? Step away from the anger and frustration for a sec…think about it.

I'd rather have spike shoved up my a$$.

Better a spike than……

It ain't about making concessions anymore IMO.

Then don’t BUT at the same time….do not set her up to FAIL.

If she showed me a little sign of contrition and a willingness to be respectful.

You respect yourself that is all that matters. Is it not.

I am not interested in this relationship anymore.

I wouldn’t be either…at least right now and no one knows what the future holds.

It is over for me.

Some wise man once told me….when your done….ya don’t say it..No need to, cause really it does not matter what anyone else thinks….

I cannot allow this to affect my life any longer.

Then don’t.

Maybe I am an a$$hole...if I am, I am a very sore one right now.

A**hole and sore in the same sentence….what did you do last night?

Dude, you’re one of the Bro’s I love on this board and I hope I did not piss you off….but I did see some thing that I wanted to point out. I did so, cause I care….I know you’d do the same for me.

Think about what I said…the stuff that maybe off base, disregard…and if anything stung…well….

To me, you want her ACTIONS and WORDS to HELP YOU be done. Just my opinion. I have been there and sometime I can still go back there.

Oh...and are you going to come to my party? If so, you know how to reach me...

Love ya man,
Eric