For Many Worries

[Truegritter]

You are being called out for giving advice without showing where you are coming from.

That is the politically correct version.

I think I know where you are coming from.

BUT

Here is your opportunity on your own thread to talk about it.

There is an odd dichotomy with Dbing. One on hand we like to pound our chest and say we stand for marriage and we want to save our marriage. It's at the bottom of every page. But on the other hand, we acknowledge that we are really here to save ourselves. Those ideals aren't always compatible.

Could it be you have not realized this yet?

STANDING gives you time to find yourself.

You are certainly welcome to move on quickly onto the bus for Bitterville if you choose. No one is forcing you to be here and work on yourself.

Not doing so IMO will make any saving of your M shortlived so they are inveritably linked. Saving yourself and your M.

Funny though, many of the 'experts' here are people who couldn't save their Ms, even if they followed DB to a T. They try to rationalize the failure by saying "'Well I saved myself.'

Ah there's the rub. Well I will tell you only from own experience.

I haven't saved my M.

My W is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.. Trouble is she is not surviving yet.

And I likely won't be the dude who is there when she realizes that.

How did I come to that wisdom for myself?

By being here.

And listening to people who took an interest in me.

Could I have said my W is f@cked up and moved on? I didn't need to come here to make that choice. I came here because that WAS my choice and I wanted to understand a different path.

DB seems to have a direct principles on affairs - i.e. tolerate them, do nothing, wait for them to fizzle on their own. This is a form of emotional abuse, IMO

Only if you decide you will let someone else ruin your life.

My expereince: You cannot control another person.

Alcoholic to Angel.

You want to talk about emotional abuse?

Put your faith in that false hope.

Anda good luck touya.