Digging Through Old Email

[tadpole1025]

AJ, a lot of goodies here.

I came back to the boards to try and help people in situations similar to mine.

And thank God you did. You've been a great help buddy.

If she is like mine, you watched her try to come up with reasons to justify this as well.

Oh yeah. I did everything wrong. This is all my fault. Like I said before, to her I am the devil. Her biggest thing was blaming me for "emotionally leaving the marriage" years ago. Really? Whatever.

You were surprised Tad. Rest assured you had no way to see this coming unless you were a trained professional. Did your wife know something was wrong? Most likely. But that doesn't mean she knew what to do with that information or how to handle it.

I just wish she would have talked to me about it. Maybe we could have worked things out. She went emotionally cold as soon as she started talking to OM. I got one kiss from her in October. One. Any hugs that I got were because I asked for them. I finally quit asking. She told me that there was nothing I could do or say that would make her stay. However since then, she has told me that I had two "windows" to get her to stay. Riiiight. Two windows that were closed because she continued to talk to OM and continued to pack. It's funny that I knew nothing of these "windows" until after she moved out.

She still doesn't know how to handle it by the looks of things, right?

Absolutely correct. A lot of times I think she is more confused than I am.

The good news is this: You are working through things. Your feelings are very normal from where I sit. I have had the EXACT same feelings and sometimes still do. That's healthy Tad. You need to feel your emotions.

But is it normal to try to "figure this crap out?" I know I can't and I shouldn't even try, but I still try to find out why this crap is happening.

The more you are silent, the better. Let her be the one to wonder about you while you work on you.

I've been dark, but I actually went completely black this past weekend. It was hard, but I'm sure it will get easier with time and practice.

You won't get answers for a very long time if ever. Most likely, if you are like many of the people on this board including me, the truth won't come out for a long time and slowly at that. By the time it does, you may not care.

I worry about "not caring" daily. The longer this drags out, the closer I am to "not caring."

She will try to hurt you if you get close and you are radioactive to her.

Why though? Why does she want to hurt me so badly? I can think of texts that she has sent me that were just downright mean. I know that the "real" W doesn't feel like that, but the alien W is just so frickin mean. The personality shift is almost hard to believe. I WOULDN'T believe it if I didn't see it first hand.

Be that positive man your kids look up to.

I'm trying man. I've given this a lot of thought over the past few days.

I'm wondering if there is anyone on this board that ever thought that their spouse would ever or was even capable of doing something like this. I would have bet my life against it. Good thing I'm not a gambler. Never in a million years would I have ever suspected that my M would be in the mess it is in and that my W would be riding the crazy train.

Boggles my mind.

Thanks for all of the help!

Tad