85 Days

[cat04]

Cat -DB seems to have a direct principles on affairs - i.e. tolerate them, do nothing, wait for them to fizzle on their own.

This is a form of emotional abuse, IMO

What if your S woke up every day and screamed at your for 20 minutes solid, in front of your kids. Told you how worthless you are, told you how ugly you are, swore, stomped ,etc (but didn't get physical) Would you tolerate that? Would you say 'Well I can't control another person, so I just have to wait it out.' Would you still believe "They make mistakes just like every other human being on earth." Would you say, the only thing I can do is chose how I handle the hurt, anger, resentment and disappointment caused by this yelling.

I hope you God you wouldn't but this is what affairs are to our Ms.

No I would not tolerate any sort of direct and blatant abuse, without a clear and no holds barred, if that happens again...

Which I did...

However, more subtle forms of emotional abuse, yes, I tolerated them. Until I could no longer... Until I allowed them to ruin me, my self esteem, my thoughts about myself...

That was my behavior to own. My reactions to his behaviors. I could have done it differently.

While the A, can be considered a form of abuse, it is how we handle it that is what is important IMO.

I could destroy his reputation with family and friends, but then I would be abusive as well...

Or I can set the boundary, if you are with her, you aren't with me...

While that seems much less proactive, really it is very proactive in keeping the road home paved and swept...

While no one is required to post their story, mine is on here in bits and pieces, but not in one lump thread that I can remember (wait, I did eventually post a synopsis many months after I started posting) it is harder not to challenge the hard line approach that sort of came through in your posts.

Also, if you post your story, even in small bits, it does help people help you. Get their thoughts out there, etc...