Seeing the evidence scuks. So stop looking for it.
One day, shortly after one of my many bombs, my H, who was NOT, I repeat, NOT having an A, started wearing a bracelet. One that I had not seen ever in our life together. He said he found it in a box in his dresser.
Let me tell you, I didn't buy it for one minute. I had been doing this man's laundry and cleaning his stuff for fifteen years. And I was the ONLY one doing if for fifteen years. Even before we lived together. I knew what was in every box in his dresser.
At first, that bracelet, was like a knife in my chest every day. Because I knew where it had come from. Eventually, it just became a part of this man that isn't the man that I had married.
He still wears it. He is (I think, reconciled) with the woman that gave it to him. It doesn't hurt anymore. It is now, simply a reminder of someone I don't know very well.
Hopefully, that isn't something that you will have to see with your W. Hopefully, you will be able to put the poem out of your mind.
Stop snooping. The next time you feel curious, go touch a hot burner on the stove and then go get your hand bandaged. It won't hurt as much.
Right now, you are in a position of your own making.
For that, my sympathy is low.
I know people say that it is the "doormat" approach, but I will never believe that avoiding things that cause us pain and discomfort that we don't need to suffer is being a doormat.
Let her have her space. It is normal for them to pull back and if you keep pushing, you are going to push her even further away.
I thought your plan was to focus on Denver...
Did this fit into that plan at all?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
